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“I said he was better... mentally, I mean. He doesn’t beat himself up about what he did and he’s lost that heaviness on his shoulders. I don’t think he’s truly happy, and I get the feeling that something’s missing from his life. Maybe it’s you.”
Tears well in my eyes. Not that she’s finally acknowledging that we belong together—though, that’s a relief—but because he seems sad, and that he appears better in other ways. I have to see it for myself.
I set the spoon down. “What would you say to him?”
Taryn stares at me for a long minute and says, “That you have the same look he does. Like someone’s other half is missing. I don’t know if you two are fated to be together, but if it takes you two being together to at least see, that’s what I want. I want everyone around me to be happy and positive, even though that can be a pipe dream sometimes.”
“It’s not a pipe dream. You choose who to allow in your circle, and you’re smart enough to know that people go through shit in their lives, and you’ve always been a very supportive friend.”Well, mostly.
The server interrupts with our meals, and after she walks off, I continue.
“Listen, I’m not mad at you. I was a little bit, but I knew you were simply looking out for Eric.”
“And you, too. Like I said, I’m a fiercely protective friend. I don’t want you to get hurt by some guy who’s emotionally unavailable and fucked up. Even if that guy is my brother. I think now that he’s been out and back into society, that he’s adjusted. He even got his job back, not sure if I told you that.” She picks up a cucumber roll with chopsticks and pops it into her mouth. “Mm. So good.”
I grin and pick up a spicy tempura tuna roll, shoving it in my mouth. “Mm. So good.”
She laughs at my mimic and says, “So, do you want me to?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want him contacting me because you told him to, or thinks he has some obligation.” I shake my head.
“Then text him,” she suggests.
“I did. Three times. He never responded.” I’m starting to lose my appetite, not that I had a big one to begin with.
“Chris, come on. That was, what, almost eight months ago? He’s different, I’m telling you.” She stops and looks off into the distance. “Wait. Obviously, you’re coming to the Gender Reveal and so is he.”
I almost choke on my bite. “What?”
“What what? Did you not think he’d be there?” she asks, incredulous.
“Honestly, it didn’t cross my mind.” And it hadn’t. What had I been thinking? The brain fog recently has been out of control. I need to take more vitamins.
“Well, there you go,” she chirps with a smile. “You guys can talk then!”
She changes the subject to baby showers and Lamaze classes and I can’t think of anything except Saturday—just three days from now.
Holy shit. I’m really going to see him.
***
The minute I’m home, I rip open the envelope. I smile when I see what my best friend and her husband are having. I’m so excited for them.
My stomach turns over in knots about Saturday.
What if he doesn’t show?
What if he ignores me?
What if he—oh, my God—brings a date!
Surely, this isn’t a plus-one kind of thing, right? I should check. I will die if he shows up there with someone else.
No, I refuse to fret over this for the next three days, I’ve lost enough hair and weight as it is.
I wander to the freezer and pull out a pint of chocolate peanut butter swirl and eat some straight out of the carton. Most girls are constantly dieting. Not me. I don’t appreciate the twenty-five pounds I’ve lost, and if I could get at least fifteen back on, I think I’ll be happy. At least my arms aren’t as chunky anymore, but I miss my round hips and bubble butt. They’re so small now.
I lick my ice cream and look at Eric’s social media page—he only has one. I never officially followed him but I can see everything. It was dead silence those six months, but when he returned, he apparently had taken a bunch of photos with an actual camera and put them on his Instagram. My heart broke for all those sick children—well, the people in general—and while there’s only a small handful of him in any of the pics, my God, he looks so sexy in blue scrubs. His hair was longer too, not opting for regular haircuts, I assume, but he was and still is beautiful.
