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I spin around to look at him and can see how sorry he is through my tears, but my head’s in flight mode and all I want to do is lock myself behind the door. A sob leaves my chest and I hear him curse which makes me jump again.
Logan holds open the door and closes it between us as I walk inside.
“I’m staying here on the other side of the door until you let me explain and that I know you are okay. I can’t leave you like this. Fuck I screwed up and I’m so sorry, baby.”
I lean against the door as every sob catches in my throat, and I can’t breathe. I can’t see anything through the tears. My heart’s beating in my ringing ears, and I know I need to calm down before I make myself sick.
“Can you hear me, Chels? Listen to my voice, okay, baby? I need you to breathe in slowly to the count of five. Can you do that with me? Knock against the door when you can begin, and I will count with you.”
I stare at it desperate for him to leave and hold me at the same time. I knock on the door once and he starts to count.
“Breath in with me, Chels. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Hold it for five and breathe out for five. Knock, and we will start again.”
Logan talks me through six cycles before I feel in enough control to open the door.
When I open it, I find him leaning against the doorframe, one hand on either side as he looks at me with so much sadness in his amber eyes.
“I am so sorry, are you okay?” he asks as he stands up and cups my cheek. I shake my head and step back inside leaving the door open for him to come in. The second he is inside, he closes the door and turns to look at me.
“I’m so sorry I lost control. I wasn’t mad at you. The last thing I wanted to do was trigger you like that. Fuck, I handled it so badly, I just.” he stops mid-sentence and walks around with his hands on his head.
I walk past him and into the lounge, still clinging to my jacket like it’s a life buoy. I throw it onto the sofa and walk over to the bar, where I proceed to try and pour two drinks, but I’m shaking so hard I can’t get the bottle open.
“Let me,” Logan says softly, walking over to me. I hand him the bottle and whisper a thank you, and place two glasses on the top. He pours two fingers into each and hands one to me as I sit on the sofa. He sits on the coffee table in front of me, and we both take a sip of our drinks and try to catch our breath and calm the tension between us.
After a few moments of silence, I look up to find Logan watching my every move. I take a deep breath and finally feel in control enough to speak.
“What happened?”
Logan leans forward so his elbows are resting on his thighs as he takes a deep breath.
“I lost my shit, that’s what happened. From the moment we arrived, I struggled to stay calm. Every time that prick looked at you, I wanted to reach across and punch him in his fat face.”
“Suppose it didn’t help the way his little sidekick was bad-mouthing the SEALs,” I offer with a small smile. Logan looks at me for a moment, shaking his head.
“I didn’t give a shit about that, Chels. I didn’t give a shit what he said about me and the guys. We are big enough and ugly enough to take it all and not batter a fucking eyelid. But when he said. Fuck.” Logan jumps to his feet and starts pacing around the room again.
“What did he say?” I ask, no longer scared or worried by him. Now the panic has resided I can think logically. Logan has had plenty of opportunities to hurt me, and he has never so much as raised his voice. Even tonight, he didn’t shout at me it was just the feeling around him, as I knew he was on the verge of losing it, and I thought I was in the firing line.
Logan stops and stares at me.
“He wanted you and was willing to do anything to get you. He watched every little thing you did, and I hated it. I hated the way his eyes watched your chest as you breathed, the way he would wink at you as if it was meant to impress you. When you went to the toilet, I could see how uncomfortable you were, so I was about to tell him he needed to pack it in, or we were leaving. But instead, he looked me straight in the eye and asked if I would consider ‘throwing you in as part of the deal’.”
I gasp as Logan stares at me, and I know that if I asked him to, he would hunt Fallon down and beat the shit out of him, if not kill him.
I stand up and walk until I’m in front of him.
“Thank you,” I whisper. Logan surprises me when he reaches up and runs his knuckles over my cheek.
“I am so sorry I scared you like that. You must know I would never hurt you. I know I’ve been a prick at times but it's only because I feel like I’m losing my goddamn mind,” Logan whispers as he leans his forehead against mine.
“Talk to me,” I whisper, closing my eyes, and listening to him taking deep, calming breaths.
“I’ve tried so hard to keep you at arm’s length, to ignore everything I’ve been feeling since the first day I met you. But I can’t keep doing it. I listen to Drew and Calvin when they talk about you. How they have fun with you, not just in the bedroom but out of it as well. And I want to experience that with you, too. I want to taste you and feel you around me. I want to kiss every part of you. I’ve never been jealous of the guys until you came into our lives.
“So tonight, when Fallon spoke about you the way he did, I lost it. I stood up, somehow managed to stop myself from punching him and walked out.”
Logan looks deep into my eyes before spinning us around and backing me up so my back is against the wall.
