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She could have answered that quite simply by saying, “You,” but she didn’t. “Kindness. Humor. Actually caring what the other person wants and what’s good for them. Someone who makes you feel seen. And not feeling like you have to be on your guard when you’re around them.”
“That’s a tall order. Who could possibly live up to that?”
“It doesn’t seem like it should be too hard.”
“Well, since I’m trying to be charming, should we try more dancing?”
“Out here?”
“Who would see us? Don’t tell me you’ve never kicked up your heels outside.”
“And you have?”
“I have no idea. Probably not, but I bet you had a lot of fun before you went to court.”
She had that feeling of him seeing through her again, like he was seeing the wild child she’d been. She stood and smoothed her skirt. “Very well. Let’s see, some music.” She began humming one of the old folk songs she recalled, not from the dances the country gentry held, but from the wild summer she’d spent with Mother Alis after she left home, when she’d danced around a bonfire with a handsome young farmhand whose presence would have given her mother a fit of the vapors. While she hummed, she demonstrated the steps of the dance. He was no dancer, and his clumsy attempts kept making her laugh so that she stopped humming. Soon, both of them were laughing and had given up on dancing.
“I knew you had a laugh in there,” he teased.
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you laugh out loud. You might smile, possibly chuckle, but it’s as though you’re afraid of letting anyone know you’re having too much fun.”
“I haven’t had a lot to laugh about in a long time.”
He gave a mocking bow. “Then I am happy to be of service.”
The sky turned red, then purple, and since they didn’t have a lantern or candle with them, they knew they had to head inside before it got completely dark. Gladys had lit a lamp for them inside, so they could get up the stairs. They stopped at the upstairs landing to say goodnight. Bryn leaned toward Elwyn, and her pulse sped up in anticipation.
But at the last second, he pulled back. “No, I’m sorry,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s not right when I don’t know who I am or what ties I might have. You might not even like the real me. But know this, the person I am now does like you and could happily stay here with you.”
She was still too stunned to speak when he went into his room and shut the door. Eventually, she was able to force her body to move and go to her room. She hadn’t been thinking that way about him, but she realized she’d been feeling it. Was it him, or was she merely lonely and he was kind? It was so hard to tell, and whatever she thought or felt about him now, it might not even be real, since he wasn’t himself. Or he was more himself than he’d ever been, but wasn’t the person he was when his life, choices, and experiences affected him.
All in all, it gave her a lot to think about, so much that she felt she’d barely fallen asleep when Gladys woke her by pulling the covers abruptly away from her and her pillow out from under her. The first faint light of dawn showed in the eastern window, and she heard Mair crying out from downstairs, “Wyn! I need your help!”
Chapter 12
Elwyn didn’t have a dressing gown, so she threw her loosest dress on over her nightgown and ran down the stairs. “You can help animals, can’t you?” Mair blurted as soon as Elwyn opened the back door. Mair was dressed for milking, with a heavy apron over her clothes and her hair tied back in a kerchief.
“What is it?” Elwyn asked.
“One of my cows seems to be in pain, but I can’t tell what’s wrong with her. She barely lets me near her, and she just bellows.”
“I don’t specialize in animals, but let me get some things and I’ll look at her,” Elwyn said. “Come in and have a seat in the kitchen.” She ran up the stairs, meeting Bryn halfway. He wore breeches and a shirt, loose and untucked, and his hair was mussed from sleep.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Mair has a problem with a cow she needs me to look at.”
He turned and went back up the stairs, since they were too narrow for them to pass, even if they wanted to get that close to each other. She didn’t bother dressing fully, just pulled on wool socks and her boots and threw a shawl over her shoulders. When she came out of her room, Bryn was coming out of his room with his boots and jacket on. “I’ll come with you,” he said.
She got some supplies from the shop. Without more information to go on, she had no idea what she might need, so she brought treatments for the most likely things to have gone wrong. It had been nearly a decade since she’d worked regularly with cattle, but she did occasionally tend to horses around the duke’s palace, so she wasn’t entirely unfamiliar with large animals. Working with animals wasn’t too different from dealing with infants or unconscious people, as they couldn’t say where they were hurting or how they felt. The healer had to read them.
Mair led them over the bridge to the dairy, where the cows had been brought to the barn for milking, but one of them bellowed, stomped, and shook her head, so that all the others stayed well away. “Can you get close to hold her still?” Elwyn asked.
“I’ll try.” Mair handed her lantern to Bryn and signaled to one of her dogs, who herded the cow to the edge of the barn, where she couldn’t escape. Mair then slowly approached the cow’s head, talking softly and gently until she could catch the cow’s belled collar. The cow bellowed, pain filling her cry, and shook her head, but Mair held on. “I don’t know how much longer I can hold her,” Mair said.
Elwyn took a few deep breaths before handing her basket over to Bryn. She stayed close to the head, where Mair held her, and eased nearer until she could get a hand on the cow’s neck. Closing her eyes, she reached out to connect with the cow’s feelings. The source of the pain was immediately apparent. The left rear leg hurt. Elwyn sent calming feelings to the cow. That didn’t always work, but the cow was receptive and went calmer and more still. “There you go,” she said softly. “Now, let me take a look at you. Can I get some light?”
