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Rainier tilted his head. “You were coming in here for food, weren’t you? What happened to no snacking?”
Mum turned and left without another word. Did she do this often? He wouldn’t know because coming down to the kitchen at night was a rare thing for him. Maybe she did sneak snacks. The idea seemed so impossible to him, he could barely imagine it, but why else would she be in here at night?
How did she stay so thin? Did she vomit even though it had killed Addy?
Maybe Mum didn’t have as much restraint as she pretended, or perhaps it was a one-time thing. Either way, it didn’t make him feel any better.
***
Mum pretended he didn’t exist over the next three weeks. No note came from Felix, and even though they weren’t together, it stung. He thought about writing something, and a messenger could find the only humans in Yorn or check the whorehouse in case Felix had gone back to work, but then, he felt like an intruder.
Maybe Felix thought it was easier to stay cut off. They were both supposed to move on, and if Rainier said how much he missed him, he’d probably look like a needy child. Besides, Felix deserved better, and if his Grandma had passed, he didn’t need someone else’s problems.
Rainier didn’t bother to train anymore because he didn’t have the energy. Horseback riding was also too hard, so he mostly stayed in his rooms with Inky. He couldn’t bear to go out and try to play normal with Mum after what she’d done.
He had the servants bring him one meal a day, and he ate half. The rest was dumped down the privy. He didn’t bother with the dry salad anymore because he was beyond sick of that.
He told himself he’d never go in the kitchen again where too many temptations awaited. The servant simply brought whatever Mum was having, and he’d control himself like that. It was easier when he didn’t have to think about what to eat. After a few days, he started dumping what he wasn’t going to eat in the privy first so he’d never be tempted to eat more than he should.
At least his stomach seemed to get used to it a bit. It didn't hurt so much, so maybe he'd finally found that balance of self-control. Fat people didn’t need to eat that much, so his body must have been getting used to it.
He was halfway through one of his books, and the characters had a grand feast to celebrate something. He read the descriptions of food a few times while trying to visualize the food until he realized what he was doing.
Clearly, he still didn’t have much self-control.
He sent a couple of notes to the jail to check. Lance was still locked up, and Mum hadn’t sent anything, so perhaps she’d let go of that. Or she was waiting. It wasn't like he could trust her ever again.
Besides basic stuff in his room, he didn’t know what else to do with himself anymore. It was getting harder to concentrate on his books, and he barely had the energy to play with Inky. He almost passed out one morning after a bath, and he had to lay on the cold tile floor until the spots faded from his vision. Getting up too fast often made his head swim, but he’d never thought he'd truly faint before.
That couldn’t be normal. Natalie always seemed fine, and when he tried to picture her nearly fainting after a hot bath, he couldn’t do it. If she ever grew that lightheaded, she’d probably have a physician over in a second, and Aunt Betty would panic and think something was terribly wrong.
Rainier was the only one that had a problem. Natalie was a twig, but she went horseback riding, and even though she’d never practiced before, she could probably swing a sword around longer than him now.
If he got the physician, he could do something. Rainier hadn’t wanted to die by throwing up, and even without that, he didn’t want to die in his rooms. What if he fell and hit his head? The prospect of going alone scared him.
Rainier couldn’t bring himself to do it. He needed to somehow be fine on his own, and he vowed to be a lot more careful when getting out of the tub.
He’d fallen asleep on his couch one morning. How he spent half of the night tossing and turning and then fell asleep so fast was a mystery to him. A shriek woke him up.
“For Elira’s sake, Rainier! Are you sick? Why didn’t Aunty Eliza say anything?”
“Hm?” He blinked at Natalie who was hovering over him. “What are you doing here? Why are you in my rooms?”
“We came to visit, and Mum said you’re pouting like a child. I wanted to see you, and I didn’t expect you to look like this. What’s wrong?”
“I’m fine,” he mumbled. “I didn’t feel like wearing a coat. Can’t I relax in my own sitting room?”
“I don’t mean that, and you’re not fine.” She plucked at his sleeve. “You’re like half the size since I last saw you. Are you sick?”
“No, I’m not sick, and stop exaggerating.”
“Where’s Felix?”
“He left. He wasn’t staying forever.” Rainier pushed himself up and arranged the throw blanket over him. The last thing he felt like doing was talking to anyone.
“Why are you so thin?” she asked. “You’ve lost so much weight. Do you have pains in your stomach or something?”
His stomach clenched. If she was that worried, maybe he did have a problem. Perhaps the whole family was fucked up, and he was the worst one. “No, Natalie. I’m fine.”
