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Saoirse laughed and thrilled at the lack of pain from the gesture.
The doctor set out a bottle of mouthwash and three blister packs on the cot beside her. Saoirse recognized the familiar names printed on two of the packs and the generic painkiller on the third.
The doctor explained how the hospital pharmacy had two of her medications in stock but not the third. It was one she rarely took anyway, having only been prescribed it when she had trouble keeping her primary medication down, before she’d learned to take it after a meal. Saoirse shrugged.
“If you have any trouble keeping your main medication down, tell Clive and I’ll get your other meds ordered. All this hullabaloo, it wouldn’t be any surprise if you had an upset stomach. Want some antacids just in case?”
Saoirse shook her head. Her stomach wasn’t churning. It was just pinching and terribly empty.
The policeman appeared at the door with a tray that he offered to Saoirse. The doctor took it and examined the contents, cracking the water bottle and handing it to Saoirse. She sipped it gratefully.
“You don’t give someone who hasn’t eaten in twenty-four hours salty potato chips and an egg salad sandwich, Clive,” Doctor Carter grumbled. “What’re you trying to do, make sure she doesn’t poop for a week? Get her fruit and a ham sandwich. D’you like ham, Saoirse?”
She nodded hopefully. Egg salad was just about her least-favorite food and the idea of eating it now made her empty stomach rebel.
Muttering to himself, the officer took the tray back and retreated, but it wasn’t without a parting shot. “Probably better if she eats the egg salad, then at least she won’t shit herself again.”
The doctor swiveled in his chair to glare at Clive’s back. “What did you just say?” When the policeman didn’t answer and his footsteps beat a rapid rat-a-tat on the floor tiles, the doctor turned back to look at Saoirse, his expression instantly softening “You don’t pay any attention to that fool. Evacuating during a seizure isn’t anything to be ashamed of. It’s not a loss of control. It’s completely involuntary. So don’t you give it another thought.”
Saoirse nodded but couldn’t meet the doctor’s eyes, remembering the smell and feel of it.
The doctor grumbled. “I’m not a psychiatrist, Saoirse, but I am a Daddy to my own Little girl, Courtney. I know this wouldn’t sit well with her either. I know the whole thing must be a humiliation from start to finish. When you leave here, I want you to talk to one of the therapists who serve the Ranch staff and guests whenever needed. You can trust either Sam or Catherine Denton to help you put this in perspective. Being afraid of losing control, of having another seizure, only increases your stress level and makes another episode more likely. Humor an old man and promise me you’ll talk to someone.”
I’ll talk to Daddy.
Saoirse smiled wanly. The doctor was hardly “old”. She doubted he was more than twenty years older than she was. But she could see his blatant manipulation came from a place of real concern for his patient. Letting her know he was a Daddy told her he was speaking with a voice of experience. She could almost visualize his own Little girl nodding her head at how wise her Daddy was.
“I will,” she promised.
“Thatta girl. I’m going to wait until Clive brings you back something edible and then I’m going to leave you to take your usual dose of medication. I’ve given you enough for five days there. I’ll check back in four days and if you’re still here, I’ll be back to see you. If you have any trouble breathing, any increase in pain, or if your tongue feels unusually hot or tastes bad, tell Clive you need to see me straight away.”
“Thag you, Doctor Carter.”
He packed away his stethoscope and sat back in his chair. “What do you do when you’re not cooling your heels in this fine establishment?”
Saoirse chuckled at his awkward segue into small talk. “Teach swimming.”
“Admirable.” The doctor nodded before settling his hat back on his head. “If everyone knew how to swim, there’d be fewer drownings. Also, an excellent cardiovascular activity.”
Saoirse nodded. “M’parents have always swum. Have hearts an’ lungs of teenagers in their sixties.”
“Good to see you following in your family footsteps. I expected a little arrythmia in the wake of a tonic-clonic seizure like that, but your ticker is ticking along like a Timex.”
Saoirse couldn’t help but laugh. Between the pain relief and Doctor Carter’s quirky bedside manner, she found more of the terrible tension she’d been carrying slip away. When Clive finally brought her apple slices and a very limp ham sandwich, she even managed a smile for him. Doctor Carter left her to eat and when the awful pinching in her stomach finally eased, she took her medication and almost felt like herself again.
After returning the tray to Clive, she lay back down on the cell’s bunk. Thinking warmly of her Daddy, she hoped he wasn’t still waiting in the hallway. She hoped he’d gone home to rest and wait for Mr. Stark to work his magic. She’d seen some of the Mommies and Daddies come to the Ranch worn thin; it was a hazard of being a caregiver. Mommies and Daddies were so driven to care for their Littles and take on every burden that they forgot to decompress and take care of themselves. It was one of the beauties of the Ranch that Mommies and Daddies could find respite and balance there.
She also hoped that if Sutter had gone home, he wasn’t having to face his mother. That was an added stress he didn’t need. She chewed idly on her thumb, staring at the wall above the room’s other feature: a lidless toilet. One of the things that had worried her the most, after the idea that Sutter might believe his mother’s accusations, was the rift she was causing within Sutter’s family. Even though it wasn’t a mess of her making, it would probably be easiest if she ended things with Sutter and avoided him. It would end his mother’s crusade and greatly reduce her own stress.
But she wouldn’t do that. Not unless Sutter asked her to.Daddy’s come for me. Daddy’s put me first. What kind of Little would I be if I didn’t do the same for him?
And no matter how much pride she had to swallow at the idea of reconciling with Cordelia, if Sutter agreed, she’d try to make peace. She didn’t want to drive him away from his family.
We’ll get through it,she told herself.We’ll make it work. Daddy’s worth it.
Feeling happier than she had since Carrie had interrupted her swimming lesson with Little Alex, Saoirse closed her heavy eyes and let herself drift.
Chapter 18
