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Gabe sighs. “You forcing him to take the first step isn’t what I want.”
“I get that. I think maybe Darwin needs to be love-bombed the way you love-bombed me until he believes he’s not just capable of being loved but deserving of it, don’t you think?”
“Maybe, but why’s that your job?”
Because for the first time, Gabe’s not going to do it. And I understand his reasons. He and Darwin have too much history. He’s still too hurt by Darwin’s rejection and cruelty in the past to risk it again. Someone else needs to step up. It’s not going to be Charlie, who tolerates Darwin in his good-natured way, but couldn’t care less if Gabe and Darwin are together. In fact, Charlie would probably prefer they’re not.
That leaves me.
“I want to do it,” I tell him. “You’ve done so much for me, and it’s cost you, baby boy. Don’t say it hasn’t. I know you love me. I know you want to be with me. But I’ve forced you into shapes you wouldn’t have taken otherwise. That’s the truth, isn’t it?”
“Forced me? No. Showed me how much more I needed to be to deserve to stand beside you? Yes. Don’t apologize for that, Teddy. You’ve made me grow. I’m ... proud of what I’m becoming. I didn’t understand it before, why you and Charlie walk around with such self-confidence. But I get it now. You’re proud of yourselves, your powers. I’m starting to feel that, too, and I like it. I don’t want to go back.”
My lad. My beautiful lad who will never hide in his hoodies again. My Water and Air-mage who has finally accepted everything he can be and started mastering it.
I cup his face in my hands and let all my love, my pride, my pleasure in hearing those words from him fill my eyes. “I’m so happy for you.”
He squeezes me. “You’re such a cheerleader, Teddy. You could be jealous. You could be angry that I’m putting my personal growth before your desires. You’re not, are you?”
“Never.”
He rubs his nose against mine. “I love you, baby girl. Go find Darwin. I’ve got some research to do for Professor Dantel. I’ll meet you for dinner.”
I draw him into a kiss that I prolong, so he knows I’m not rushing off to soothe Darwin. I’m not prioritizing Princely over him. When I draw back, Gabe’s eyes are a deep, sapphire blue. He’s smiling his crooked smile. As much as he’s changing, growing, becoming the man he’s meant to be, my wry, quirky boy will always be there, too. I’m not losing Gabe. I’m gaining him.
I give him another quick kiss before I hop off his lap, grab the puffy coat I stole from Charlie this morning, and run off to find Darwin. I leave my laptop and papers with Gabe, since I’m not sure he brought his and I know he’ll bring everything back.
I don’t know where to look for Darwin; I don’t know him well enough to know his favorite places or where he’d retreat when he’s hurt. But I don’t have to. As soon as I reach into our quaternion, I know where he is. It’s not just Gabe and Charlie I’ll always be able to find. Darwin hasn’t given me a Deathless Pledge the way my other boys have, but as soon as he joined our quaternion, he connected with me at the same, deep level.
I follow that thread to Old Chapel. He’s tucked himself behind a column and is sitting in a ball, with his knees drawn up, arms folded over them, and the collar of his coat drawn over his head.
I wriggle in behind him, sliding my legs on either side of his arse, my arms around his ribs.
“Go away, Teddy,” he says, without lifting his head from his arms. “I want to be alone.”
I ignore him. He’s lying. And even if he’s not, I’m not leaving him alone right now. I press in against his back, resting my cheek between his shoulders, not speaking, just letting him feel me. My eyes roam over his wool-covered shoulder out into the corner of the quad I can see from behind the column. I watch my schoolmates walk by in their coats, scarves, and gloves. It’s an overcast day, but the Massachusetts weather has a different quality from Manchester’s. If I was home, I’d say it was about to rain. There’s no heaviness in the air here. No hint of moisture. If anything, the grayness in Massachusetts is crisp. I’m not sure I’d ever describe the Manc weather as crisp. It’s either warm and humid or cold and damp.
“Why are you smiling?” Darwin asks, out of his misery-ball.
“How d’you know I’m smiling?”
“I can feel your cheek flexing against my back.”
“Just thinking about the weather.”
With a sigh, Darwin lifts his head, emerging from his coat like a turtle. I wind tighter around him, slipping my hands under the lapels of his coat to keep warm.
“You’re not leaving, are you?” he asks.
“Nope. I promised you’d never be alone again. I keep my promises.”
“I obviously didn’t mean this.”
“Then you shoulda been more specific.”
“You exasperate me,” he grumbles.
“Feeling’s mutual, mate.”
