AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Of course, it’s in the past.”
“Then I don’t have to worry about what people say. I believe you, and I trust what we have.”
I stray away a couple of inches to glance at him.
“How did I get so damn lucky?”
He shakes his head.
“Nah, I’m sure that I’m the lucky bastard,” Stan replies, wrinkling his nose, and leans in to kiss me briefly. “Are you okay?”
Licking my lips, I think about my answer.
“I will be.”
I know that I’m honest, even if right now I’m still in a challenging and demanding position where I’m not okay. I’ll soon find a way to simplify my feelings and compartmentalize them enough to get over how overwhelming they are. I’m not alone, my feelings are valid, and I’m grateful to have people that don’t judge me for my mistakes. However, even when I’m conscious that Stanley is wise and reasonable, I can’t help the need to rip off the parasite of insecurity that John inserted.
“Stan,” I call him, cupping his face with my hands. I make sure to look him directly in the eye so he can see that I’m not lying. “Never think for a second that you’re my second option. You’ve always been and will always be my only choice.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Irefuse to skip class no matter how much the girls and Stanley advise me to take a break due to what happened. First, I promised my parents that I would take Luanna to the admissions office. Ash offered to do it, but I can’t let the humiliation take over my life. This was an unfortunate thing that I didn’t deserve—at least not entirely—and I have to live with my mistakes. Besides, I can’t miss the chemistry class. I can handle what the people will say for a couple of hours. I’ve developed a sense of tough skin to fight whatever gets in my way.
At least that’s what I’ve forced myself to believe. Their words can’t make me feel inferior if I don’t give them the power to do so.
After a long conversation about it, Stanley offers Luanna and I a ride, mostly because he’s still unsure that I’m making the right choice. During our trip to campus, he tells us that John hasn’t been in the apartment since Friday, but that he’ll find his stuff in the trash because Ryder had his fun last night throwing out his shit. Fortunately, Carter didn’t show up because I’m not sure of what would’ve happened if he had.
I don’t want Stanley and Ryder to get in trouble because of me. Especially Stan. Moss has strict policies, and he’s already on a tightrope with his grades. He can’t lose his scholarship for something that involves me. I would never forgive myself if something like that ever happened. Nor do I want us to be in the position where we have to plan to see if we could have a long-distance relationship. The thing about Stanley is that once you get used to his presence, it’s impossible to imagine a life without it.
When we arrive at campus, the nerves linger in my stomach, nausea threatening to make me sick. Insecurity wants me to go far from here, but I just take a deep breath and look at Stan, knowing that he’s here with me. His hand holds mine, our fingers intertwined.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asks when we get out of the car.
I reach for my sunglasses inside my backpack and put them on. The dark lenses work as a defense mechanism that protects me from the stares.
Today I’ve done everything in my power to work on my appearance so that it becomes my armor. Even when the girls made up a schedule with shifts to avoid leaving me alone, I need a barrier that gives me the confidence to live through this day. This is the first time that I’ve dressed up for college since I started my degree. Today I left behind my faithful companion, James’ hoodie, and my yoga pants. In its place, washed-out jeans, a black leather jacket with a purple shirt underneath, and combat boots support me.
“Absolutely,” I respond with a convincing smile.
It’s barely seven in the morning, but it still feels like a century. It’s the fear, nerves, and anxiety playing against me. I just need to have a better move to make this work.
“So, the plan is to go to the admissions office first, and then—”
“Cafeteria. Luanna is meeting up with Karma,” I tell him, and he inhales deeply.
The cafeteria is a public place where people tend to get together a lot. It’s one of the top-visited sites on campus. Technically, I’d be throwing myself to the lion’s den.
“Bree.”
“I can take it,” I assure him.
Stanley is capable of seeing through my bullshit because I see a scowl forming, but he lets it pass. Instead of protesting and telling me what I shouldn’t do, he gives my hand a comforting squeeze and starts walking. As planned, we go to the admissions office, where Luanna drops off a couple of documents that she was missing from her application. By going so early and with Stanley along, the personal makes sure to help us as quickly as possible.
“I’ll see you next week so you can sign up for your courses, alright?” The recruiter offers Luanna a copy of her documents as they say goodbye.
I can see her major in the corner of one of the documents, and confusion takes over me.
“Finance?” I ask when we leave the office. Luanna’s sight strays away from me. “Lu, what the hell? That’s not your field. You don’t belong there.”
