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What am I missing here?
“What?” I close my eyes, grabbing the bridge of my nose as I put together my thoughts. I wasn’t expecting them, their protective behavior. I made a mistake, I admit that, but Ineedto talk to Bree. “I get if you guys aren’t happy with me now, but—”
“But nothing, Stanley,” Ash cuts me off.
“Please, just let me see her,” I plead.
Ash frowns.
“We can’t. She’s not here,pendejo,” Karma states. “Bree left yesterday to her parent’s house, and she’s not coming back.Acéptalo y vete.”
I gulp, feeling my heart contract painfully.
“What do you mean?” I ask, completely lost with their words.
Cora steps forward, getting closer to Karma.
“Bree took the fall for you, and now she’s probably getting expelled for that. So, do whatever you want with that information,” Cora expresses, and slams the door in my face.
I don’t blame her because if Bree indeed took the fall for me, that means that she gave up her future over mine. Bree chose me when everything was falling apart, and I was selfish to see that. I was so focused on myself that I didn’t realize that she was suffering too.
Leaning my head against the wood of the door, I realize that I’m losing the only person that stayed with me when my world was shattering, the person that made every day a little better. I dared to say that I had nothing holding me here. I dared to think that I was left with nothing when I already had everything.
Breeiseverything.
And I’m going to win her back.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Ifeel like a stranger back at home.Home.Because it doesn’t matter if I’ve lived out of here for almost two years, this is still my safe haven. This is the place where I go to when the world feels too heavy for me. But I don’t feel like myself now. There’s a void in my chest, threatening to consume my soul as I grieve for my lost career. It’s been there since I got here, and I ended up crying in my mother’s arms as I told her what was going on.
Mom didn’t reprimand me for my choice, and neither did my father. They just simply looked at me with empathy, wiped my tears dry, and comforted me. The worst thing is that I’m not lost in the future. I don’t feel bad about screwing up my degree. I don’t care that I’m going to become the first of the Wayne’s cousins to become a college dropout. Maybe I’m still in denial. I read in an article that there are five stages of grief and the first one is denial.
I’m definitely in that one.
I refuse to believe that this is my new reality. That I’m becoming one of those persons that gave up everything to save someone else. In my mind, I still think of this as a nightmare that I can’t escape from. That’s how it feels.
Surreal, bizarre, and wrong.
But I wasn’t wrong either. Maybe because, in reality, I’m not mourning for my future as a photographer. I can make that work; I can always pick up projects and gigs. There’s always an event, a wedding, graduation. Even if I refuse to accept that, I know that I can work for the restaurant in the promotional team. I could take photos of the plate, the events, and the countless things that go on in there.
Deep down, I know that I’m actually mourning for Stanley, for our relationship that was barely starting. More than a boyfriend, I really thought that we had a connection, that he was my friend above everything. I know that he made me a priority when things got rough for me, but where is he now that I made him mine? Where is he when I feel like I’m broken inside because I ruined us?
Why didn’t he answer my calls after I took the fall for him? I’m sure that he must know by now that he’s off the hook. So, where is he now that I need him?
I’m hollow because I came back here, leaving my heart with him.
“Do you guys know when James is coming to visit?” I ask my parents as we eat dinner at the table for the first time in forever.
Mom exchanges a not-so-subtle look with dad. I think that they’re surprised that I’m making conversation after being silent for a whole day. The truth is that I haven’t dared to speak because I’ve screwed up so much that I’m ashamed that they will have to deal with Uncle Parker’s rant about me. I’m embarrassed that I will become something that they disapprove of.
“I’m not sure. You should call him,” mom answers.
I nod, gulping because I don’t want to face my brother. I know that he’s not going to judge me, but I’m not in the mental state to handle the kind of conversation he will want to have. Any in-depth talk is out of the question at the moment. At least until I get my shit together.
“Yeah, maybe I should,” I mumble, falling into a pool of silence again.
Things are awkward and tense. It’s my fault, I get that, but I don’t know how to make it different.
