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“Why can’t you take it?” he asks, his voice dangerously soft.
I gently gnaw on the inside of my cheek, carefully choosing my words. “Because it makes me feel uncomfortable, given our situation.”
“Our situation? You mean where I provide everything you could ever possibly want or need?”
“Except clothes,” I mutter.
“Mrs. Bennett…”
I nearly wince at the name. And the warning underneath. “For once, can you try to understand where I’m coming from?”
“If you felt about me the way I feel about you, this wouldn’t even be a discussion.” He rests his forearms against the table, his brows lowered. “You belong to me now. Your needs and wants? I take them seriously. When I deny you, it pains me. Don’t you get that? Seeing you upset is the last thing I want.”
I flinch at the sincerity in his words. “Hayden, please.”
“I’m through discussing it. Throw the laptop into the fucking ocean if you want, but you’re not using mine.”
He gets to his feet and walks away, leaving me gaping after him.
I’m not sure how long I sit there in stunned silence, but eventually I stand up and head outside. The sun shines brightly as I make my way to the cabana and there’s a gentle breeze that kisses my bare skin. Well, except my hip, which I’m covering with my hand. I shake my head at myself. Hayden has won again. Instead of hiding my crotch, I’m protecting my tattoo from the sun because I don’t want it to fade.
I curl up on the swing, tuck my legs underneath me, and set the laptop on my thighs. Hayden’s hurt expression swims through my vision as I stare blankly at the screen in front of me, unable to focus.
“It’s not like he hasn’t hurt you,” I mutter.
My justification doesn’t soothe the guilt, but I refuse to go to him. He and I have different views on reality, and I’m not sure he’ll ever see things from my perspective. Right now, there’s nothing I can do about that. However, I can choose to keep my promise to take care of myself and my future.
I sigh and power on the computer. It hums and lights up, displaying a picture. Of me. The black-and-white photo that hangs in Hayden’s bedroom stares back at me.
“Romantic but creepy,” I say to myself. “Pretty much sums up my love life.”
Off to the side of the home screen is a bright yellow sticky note. It contains login information.Mylogin information. I freeze as a sneaky suspicion works its way through my subconscious.
My fingers slightly tremble as I connect to the WiFi network Hayden set up. This laptop is my only source of communication to anyone outside of this island, but I doubt it’ll be that simple. Knowing my stalker, he’ll control what I can see and do.
Yahtzee.
“Of course, the only website I can access is the university’s,” I say with an eye roll. “Well, joke’s on you. Harper is a student at Columbia too.”
I use the information from the sticky note to access the student log in and find that my profile is completely filled out. The only thing that’s missing is my major and the classes I’ll select.
After flopping back on the pillows, I stare at the site, emotions churning in my chest. On one hand, it’s very thoughtful that Hayden took the initiative. On the other, it’s fucking annoying that he won’t let me do things for myself. I’m kind of surprised he didn’t pick my class schedule for me.
If he had, I totally would’ve yeeted this laptop into the ocean.
Choosing to be productive, I sit back up and navigate the website. For over an hour, I go through various course descriptions, as well as the different pathways towards graduation. Before my father’s untimely death, I was a communications major.
Is that still something I want to pursue?
I select a mixture of general education courses that sound interesting, along with some core classes that could go either way. Literature, calculus II, sociology, and psychology. I laugh to myself at this. Maybe if I take that class, it’ll explain why Hayden’s so fucked up.
What does that say about me?
With the registration complete, I go through the student directory and select Harper’s name to start up a chat thread. I don’t expect her to write back, but it’d be really nice to hear from her if she happens to check her inbox.
Calista: Hey there! Guess who’s registered for the spring semester? ??
After closing the laptop, I set it aside and curl up on the mound of pillows. Between the energy I expended on my decision-making and the lethargy brought on by the afternoon heat, I release a yawn. Sleep tugs at me. It isn’t surprising considering it took me a long time to fall asleep last night.
