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It wasn’t until I lay in bed, drifting off to sleep, that it finally hit me. Remy had said that embracing your true self brings rewards. And despite my personal struggles, Jimmy had been inspired by my true self.
As the thought washed over me, a smile tugged at my lips. Remy had been right. Embracing your true self brings rewards. Rolling over feeling wiser, I cuddled a pillow and quickly fell asleep.
Walking into the office the next morning I found new meetings scheduled on my calendar. A slew of headhunters, job recruiters, and representatives from job posting websites filled the agenda. How was Remy able to get all of this done in one night? There was no way I could ever allow myself to feel anything for Remy again, but I had to admit that he wasn’t all bad.
As the weeks passed, Remy and I fell into a routine of indirect communication. I would enter requests in my calendar, and he would make them happen, usually the next day. I wasn’t sure why, but our exchanges were strangely comforting. I was almost starting to believe I could handle everything.
During a lunch with Hil when he had flown into the city to visit his mother, I filled him in on my job and all the perks that came with it.
“Remy says you’re doing an amazing job,” Hil said proudly.
I might have been. But I couldn’t help but think of Remy’s perks as some sort of guilt payment.
“Thanks. It’s nice to hear,” I said humbly.
“No, seriously! What you’re doing is so great. Do you even know the effect you’re going to have on people? I loved my father. I did. But, he did so much wrong.
“It was like he had no conscience. The stories Remy would tell me…,” he said drifting off and fighting back tears. “I’ll just say that what you’re doing means a lot… to the whole family,” Hil concluded with a teary-eyed smile.
Staring at Hil, I realized that what I was doing meant more to his family than I had considered. I was still thinking that it was a rich family’s vanity project. But both Remy and Hil had been brought to tears when they talked about their father’s legacy.
What could he have done that required a community outreach center as a penance? And how was I the one who could help them? I was a nobody who came from nothing.
I was everything no one wanted to be. I was too gay for the straight world, too black for the white world, too white for the black world, and my mother was a housekeeper. The fact that I could have that type of impact on a family that had everything didn’t make sense.
“You were right, you know,” I told Hil changing the topic.
“About what?” he asked wiping his eyes.
“About everything. When I had asked you about taking this job, I had been so sure that Remy was done with the world you all had grown up in, yet, within days, he was engaged to the daughter of your family’s rival.”
Hil looked away sadly, “Yeah.”
“And you said that if I allowed myself to have feelings for him, he would break my heart.”
It was my turn to tear up.
“Oh, Dillon!” Hil said quickly taking my hand to comfort me. “I didn’t want to be right about that. You’re not going to leave me, are you?”
I put a confident smile on my face. “Never. I will never leave you,” I said sincerely.
Hil squeezed my hand and smiled. “Let me pay for this so we can check out what you’ve been working so hard on.”
“No, I’ve already paid for it,” I said proudly.
Hil looked concerned. “Dillon, you didn’t have to.”
“I know. I wanted to. I’m making money now. And if I’m ever going to get over my hangups, I need to be the one doing the treating for a change. Allow me to do this for you.”
Hil still looked hesitant.
“Please. I need this.”
Hil finally smiled and conceded. “Of course. Thank you,” he said looking at me in a new light.
Months later, with the opening of the renovated outreach center a day away, I found myself working late in what used to be Remy’s office. Alone and immersed in my thoughts, I was surprised by the sound of the door creaking open.
Rounding the desk, I froze in disbelief. Remy was walking towards me staring into my eyes. I was stunned into silence. With him an arm’s length away, a tsunami of emotions crashed over me.
