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Chris
If that’s what you want to do.
I shake my head. Of course, she wants to spend her time with Zoe. I stare at my phone. I was feeling on top of the world just a moment ago. How is it possible that this woman has made me so mercurial?
Putting my phone away, I tune into the rest of the band arguing about where to go, and I throw in a few suggestions, mostly to rile Alwin up.
He shoves his hands in his hair. “You know I can’t go there. I slept with the maître d, and I know you sure as shit aren’t going to change clothes to go there anyway.”
Marcus, used to wrangling us, puts his foot down and picks a place—a dive bar.
Chris
We’re going to a place called Bad Monkey Bar if you change your mind.
It’s walking distance, so we exit the hotel and brace ourselves against the chill. On the way, Ram falls back to walk with me. “You’re serious about her?”
“Yeah,” I say.
“Good. It’s about time one of us settles down.”
“You made a good attempt,” I tell him. Ram’s been married twice, neither worked out.
“I made attempts,” he corrects. “Not good ones.”
After a moment of walking quietly, Ram speaks again. “What about Zoe?”
I groan and throw my head back. “Not you too. And seriously, Sara will kill you. And then me. And possibly Zoe.”
“Are you saying you forbid me? Careful,” he croons. “Wouldn’t want to tempt me with her.”
“You’re not star-crossed lovers.”
“She’s a star? An actress? What’s her last name?”
“No, she’s not. Never mind, man.”
All night, I can’t stop grinning. It feels good to be back with these idiots.
33
Sara
I’m a coward.
From Zoe’s dorm room, I text Chris that I’m staying the night in Munich, saying I want to spend more time with Zoe. But in reality, I need time to come up with a plan.
I can’t stay with Chris anymore. I like him so much, and living with him, sleeping with him, doing everything domestic and nourishing with him has blinded me to his real life. Drugs and parties are the norm.
I reinforce the need to move out by watching videos of the band—especially Ram—doing their superstar thing. Red carpet events, interviews, and drunken escapades caught on fans’ camera phones.
I read articles about Ram’s stint in a rehab facility and watch videos of Chris smoking and drunk.
It’s painful and sobering.
I do not want that to be my life.
“What do you want to do for dinner, Mom?” Zoe interrupts my thoughts. She’s been pretty quiet today. Yesterday we did a few touristy things in Berlin, walking from downtown to the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe and the Brandenburger Tor before having a quiet dinner together. She asked what Chris was up to a few times, I think hoping to see the band again and make a better impression, but I told her they were busy, and she stopped asking.
