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I thought about how he’d refused to listen when I told him I wanted him to really live, the after he’d spoken of, and how he’d said he would give me more. When he spoke to me in the cavern. I thought of all he hadn’t said. He’d never said he planned to take the embers—not to me. Not to Keella or Attes.
I went over everything he had said since we were reunited, and even before Kolis held me.
I will not let you die.
Ash had never planned to take the embers.
“I’m not letting you go,” he said. “I’m going to Ascend you.”
I felt another tripping motion in my chest. “You…you can’t.”
The laugh that came from him was dark and endless. “Yes, I fucking can.”
“It won’t…work,” I reasoned.
Eather whirled in his eyes. “I’m a fucking Primal of Death. My blood is that of the Ancients, so we don’t know that for sure. No one does. I don’t care what Delfai or the Arae claimed. Fuck them. I’m going to try.”
As his words sank in, I felt a spark of hope, but it was fleeting. When Kolis spoke of doing the same, I’d known it wouldn’t work. And even if it did… “What…will I become?”
“I don’t know. A demis? One of those Ascended Kolis creates?” But that…that wasn’t how the Ascended worked. They were third sons and daughters. Ash knew that. Another tremor shook him. “Or the Primal of Life.”
But that wouldn’t happen. It couldn’t.
“I don’t care what you become.” He lowered his wrist. “I don’t care, as long as you’re alive. As long as you don’t leave me. I don’t care. I want you however you come back to me.”
Gods, I believed him.
But it wouldn’t work.
Focusing on the embers, I latched on to them for strength. Faint energy buzzed through my veins, allowing me to lift my hand back to his chest, over his heart. “I love you.”
His eyes slammed shut. “Sera, be quiet and don’t fight me for once.”
“I love you so much, but you h-have to do this.”
“Shut up, Sera.” He turned his head to his wrist as a line of darkness raced down his cheek.
“Take the embers. You have to. Please.”
“Shut the fuck up, Sera!” he shouted, sending what birds remained in the elms into a frightened flight. “For the last time, I don’t care about the embers or the realms. They can burn.”
I shuddered, curling my fingers against his skin. “You don’t…mean that.”
His eyes opened and locked with mine. They were pools of still, endless silver. “I do.”
“What if I still die?” I held on to my waning strength, my chest feeling as if it squeezed tighter with every word. “The embers will die, and you won’t have me—”
“I know. It may not work. If it doesn’t, I will lose you and the embers. I’m willing to risk it and take that chance,” he said. Over his shoulder, I saw the water freeze on the rocks. “The lives of millions of mortals nor those of the gods do not surpass yours. The realms can rot into the Abyss and all life can cease.” Another streak slid down his other cheek, damp and the color of midnight crimson. “I don’t care, as long as you are beside me.”
Oh, gods.
Blood tears coursed down his face.
Ash cried. “I will take the souls of those lost upon my flesh. I will gladly usher in the end, and I will do it with you beside me,” he swore. “And if not? If I fail and lose you?” His voice cracked from the agony of his sorrow and remorse. My heart shattered. “The realms won’t survive, Sera.”
“Ash,” I pleaded, hating his pain. Loathing all the regret I heard in his voice.
“If I lose you, they’re already gone, as good as dead and rotted away.” His forehead pressed against mine. “Don’t you know that already? You do. Kolis was always right about me. He knew I would do far worse than what he could ever conceive. And I will. I will ruin the realms if I lose you. If you die, there is no hope for them—any of them…innocent or evil, god or mortal. I will destroy them all.”
