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Why did it have to be like this? I love my husband, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about his brothers. That they don’t mean something to me too.
I blink the tears from my eyes and turn around to leave but come to a stop when I see Saint standing in Haidyn’s room. His eyes search mine, and I blink fresh tears that blur my vision. “He left,” I say, my throat tightening. “It’s my fault.”
“No, it’s not, Ash.” He steps out onto the balcony with me. “Nothing that happened was your fault.”
“Why did you let him leave?” I ask, my bottom lip trembling.
“He’ll be back,” he assures me, pushing hair behind my ear.
“How do you know that?” I ask. This was my fear years ago. That our fathers would use me to push them apart. They’re dead, and it still happened but only it was me that did it.
Saint smiles at me. “Because Carnage is his home,” he answers. Taking my hand, he pulls me from the balcony and out into the hallway. He closes Haidyn’s door, and I can’t help but look over my shoulder at it as Saint pulls me into his.
I let him pull me into the bathroom, and he turns to face me. The air feels thicker in here, harder to breathe.
“Did Haidyn hurt you?” he asks, checking my wrists.
I don’t miss the fact that he didn’t ask about Benny hurting me while I was gone for four days. That’s because he knows what happened while I was away. “No,” I growl. “I offered to help him.” I don’t want him mad at Haidyn. “You know…” I lick my lips. “He was helping you too,” I say, referring to Haidyn helping me get away.
“Ashtyn,” he sighs, not wanting to have the conversation.
“Laura told me that you cheated when you made me bleed. How did you do that?”
He lets out a long breath. “The morning of, I cut myself and bled into a capsule. When I had you bent over the altar at the vow ceremony, I put the capsule inside of you and broke it.”
My wide eyes are on his, and I wait for him to give me the punch line. “Saint…how could you do that? Why would you do that? Take that chance? You could have been stripped of your title. Or worse, sentenced to Carnage…”
He chuckles darkly as if what I said was a joke. “I was willing to take that risk to make sure you remained mine. I wasn’t going to let you go.”
“She could have turned you in.” My mother may have set it up, but Laura knew about it as well. They were both in on it.
Shaking his head, he adds, “She would have had to explain how she knew. She was too involved.”
“Why are you so mad at Haidyn, but not me?” I ask, trying to figure it all out. “I shot you,” I remind him as if he could ever forget.
“I expected more from Haidyn,” he answers. “He knew I could have handled it…fixed it somehow. Instead, he gave you an out.”
“He gave me a chance,” I whisper.
Reaching out, he places his hand on my flat stomach, and my chest tightens. His eyes meet mine, and I see the questions in his green eyes.What happened to the baby?But he doesn’t ask. Instead, he says, “You know I would have raised him as mine, right?”
My eyes begin to sting, and my bottom lip trembles.
He cups my face, and I sniff. “It would have changed nothing, sweetheart,” he whispers. “I loved you then. I love you now. You’ve always been it for me, Ashtyn.”
My eyes close, and the first tear falls. I feel his lips on mine tenderly kissing me. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned off and go to bed.”
His hands fall to the hem of the scrubs I wear, and I lift my one good arm. My silent request for him to undress me. I spent four days with a man who whipped and raped me. Right now, I need a man who loves me. And I know Saint is that.
He lifts it up over my head, being extra careful with my shoulder before tossing it to the side and lowering my bottoms. He helps me step out of them. I stand naked in front of him, and he runs his tatted knuckles down my heaving chest. His thumb slowly and softly follows the welts and cuts from Benny’s belt.
Looking down, I see whore written on my skin, and my breath comes quicker. Saint places his fingers under my chin, forcing my head up. “Eyes on me, sweetheart.” He tries to distract me. “How’s your shoulder?”
“Fine.” It hurts since the pain pills have long worn off, but it’s bearable. I’m tired of feeling foggy.
He turns and opens the glass door to the shower and turns it on. Then he offers me his hand to help me in. I wait under the warm sprayer as he gets undressed to join me.
SIXTY-FIVE
