Page 82 of Carnage


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I sniff and wipe the tears from my face with trembling hands. “Why did they hurt you?” He continues to ignore me. “Because of me?” I point at myself. Swallowing, I try to think back… “She said actions have consequences. What did you do that they would punish you for?” The moment I ask, my chest tightens. “The branding…” A lump forms in my throat. “You sedated me.” He gets to his feet and drops the barbell, letting out an aggravated sigh. “Haidyn, I’m so sorry,” I cry.

He storms back over, and he reaches out to me, both hands cupping my face. He forces my eyes to meet his. “Don’t fucking apologize to me, baby girl. I did what I did because I wanted to.” Letting go of my face, he runs his hand gently through my hair.

“But why would you do that?” My watery eyes search his, and he gives me a soft smile.

“I told you that you deserved a better life. And I meant that.”

I frown, trying to understand what that has to do with him and that night. He leans in and gently kisses my forehead. “Run along, Ash. Saint will be home soon.” With that, he walks over to his phone and presses play. The song comes back on, and I slowly walk back to the door.

Saint? Why not punish him? He was the one who told Haidyn to give me the adrenaline. How do they know that Haidyn didn’t give me the wrong thing?

Then the text. Haidyn was hanging in that room so that means someone else had his phone and pretended to be him when they responded to Saint so he wouldn’t be suspicious as to where he was.

How long did they keep him in there, all alone and hanging in the dark with the hood over his head and gag in his mouth?

Does Saint and Kashton know what happened to him? That one I can answer myself. No. He wouldn’t tell them, and I’m not going to either. I’ll keep his secret. The Lords like to humiliate their own. And Haidyn is too big of a man to let his brothers know that he was electrocuted and whipped. That makes me wonder how they got him? Did they trick him into that room? Did he willingly let them string him up by chains? The thought makes my chest hurt.

Exiting the room, I pull the door back where it was and numbly make my way to Saint’s room. I get undressed and crawl into bed under the covers and close my eyes. I hate that they punished him because of me. I don’t want the guys to get hurt. Or hate me. I love all three of them.

That also means that Haidyn overheard the conversation that the therapist and I had about how the guys treat me sexually. She asked who I’m closest to. Do they think that I’m going behind Saint’s back to be with Haidyn? Are they trying to use me to get between the guys?

I don’t like that thought. It makes my stomach knot because nothing good could come from that situation. I’d never cheat on Saint. I’ve never been with Haidyn or Kashton without Saint right beside me. He’s the one who offers me to them. Not the other way around.

Numbly, I stare up at the ceiling trying to clear my mind and figure out what the fuck this all means knowing I’m not going to get an answer.

* * *

I knewit was too good to be true. It’s Sunday, and I got called in for my therapist’s appointment. I thought…no hoped she had forgotten about me this week, but no. She had Jessie come and get me, which I found odd, but I couldn’t say no, no matter who she sent to get me. Especially now that I know she’s going to use the guys when I don’t do what she says. I’ll follow the rules the fathers have set just to keep their attention off my friends.

I see the open door and enter the room.

“Close the door, Ashtyn,” she orders, not even looking up at me.

I slam it shut, and she looks up, removing her glasses from her face, and her eyes narrow on mine.

Plopping down in the chair across from the desk, I cross my arms over my chest. “I’m doing fine.” I get to the point.

Saint isn’t at Carnage at the moment, but I want to be naked and in his bed when he returns. I wish I had some sleeping pills. I’d love to knock myself out and leave him a note on the bed to have his way with me when he gets back. But since I no longer have any pain from the brand, I no longer get any pain pills of any kind.

She leans forward and sets something on her desk.

“What is that?” I ask.

“A pregnancy test,” she answers.

My wide eyes meet hers. “I don’t need that.”

“You’ve been here for what, two, three weeks now…A month?” She looks at the calendar on her desk. “You haven’t seen Devin or requested any type of birth control prevention. And I highly doubt that Saint wears condoms.”

“I’m on the shot,” I lie. It’s none of their business what I’m on.

She sits back in her seat, letting out an annoyed sigh. “Use my restroom, Ashtyn. I’ll wait with you for your results.”

“I’m not taking that.” I jump to my feet. “It’s impossible.” Okay, so that’s another lie. Any time you’re fucking someone, pregnancy is always a possibility, and she’s not wrong. Saint has never used a condom.

She leans forward, and her pointed red nail hovers over a black button on the edge of her desk. When her eyes meet mine, she pushes it. “You either pee on this stick, or Devin comes in here, ties you down, and draws your blood. Which one is it going to be?”

My stomach sinks, and my chest tightens at her threat. “But… I’m not…No.” I’d know that, right? Aren’t there symptoms?

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