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My mind ran rampant with question after question I’d been thinking about all week. Aware of what I needed at that moment, he placed his arm around my body, pulling me into the nook of his arm. I felt him inhale a deep, steady breath as he hugged me closer to him, kissing the top of my head.
We stayed like that in complete silence, watching the world revolve around us like we were the only two people in it.
“You ready?”
Giving in to the emotions I couldn’t seem to control, I snapped, “What a loaded question, Ethan. If you’re asking me if I’m ready to go to bed, I’m fine. Now, if you’re asking me if I’m ready to get married tomorrow, then my response would be, I’m not so sure anymore. Is that normal? To second-guess?”
“You sound upset.”
“I’m not. I’m just asking my best friend.”
Sweeping the hair away from my face, he placed it behind my ear. “I can’t answer that for you.”
“Why not?”
“It’s not my place, Livvy.”
“Then whose place is it?”
“Only yours.”
“It’s going to change everything.”
“It won’t change us being best friends.”
“Promise?”
“What are you so worried about? I’m not the one getting married.”
Am I making the right choice? Could I do this? Do I still want to? What am I trying to prove? What am I trying to find that isn’t already in front of me?
The more I thought about it, the less confident I felt that I could truly do this…
“I love Beau,” I stated in a serious tone.
“I’m not the one you need to convince.”
“Are you saying you think I should marry him?”
“Livvy, what do you want me to say?”
I didn’t know if it was the booze, the fact I’d been drinking all night, or if it was just Ethan being there with me this entire time and my whole life. At that moment, I couldn’t for the life of me picture a future with anyone but him. This was my last chance to possibly make things right. Ethan was right. This was my life, not my parents’ life. I had to do what was right for me.
“I want you to tell me the truth.” I peered deep into his eyes. “Do you love me?”
“Of course, I love you.”
“I know you love me, Ethan. I love you too. But I need to know, are you in love with me? Do you not want me to marry Beau?” Without thinking twice about it, I confessed with tears in my eyes, “Because if you tell me not to marry him, if you tell me that you’re in love with me… then I won’t do it. I won’t marry him tomorrow. I just need to hear you say it. Please, Ethan… tell me what to do.”
He gripped my face. “Livvy, I’ve been in love with you since before I knew what that even meant. You have to know that.”
“It’s been so long… I don’t know anything anymore.”
“You’ll always be my girl. I love you more than anything in this world. I think about that summer all the time. I think about the first time we made love and every time after. I think about the way you feel, the way you taste, the way I feel when I’m with you.”
Tears slid down the sides of my face.
“I think about what would have happened if you were pregnant.”
