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“No.” I snap, more at the fact that he didn’t comment on the other hookups than at him buying me clothes. “I’m not a charity case.”
“Pretty sure that’s exactly what a scholarship is.”
My head snaps up at his words. His face is devoid of any emotion and I can’t read what he’s thinking. This is what he does though. Each time we have a good moment, he needs to ruin it with a mean comment.
“What do you call hooking up with me then?” I ask him, trying to hold back the anger I’m feeling.
He lifts one shoulder offhandedly and the movement alone almost sets me off. “Helping those in need?” He asks insolently.
I have to physically stop my mouth firing off insults I'll know he'll make me pay for. Ripping my t-shirt over my head, I grab my things and stand. “Well don’t bother.” I spit out heatedly. “There’s plenty of others ready to take your place who won’t see it as a hardshiporcharity.”
I’m so furious, the edges of my vision are darkening and my head is spinning. The barrage of emotions is intense. I need to get out of this room and away from him so I can clear my thoughts.
He crosses the room in three large steps and rips me out of the doorway before I can walk out. His grip is bruising on my arm and my jaw as he forces me to look at him.
“Don’t threaten me with that shit again.” He growls, inches from my face.
“Don’t do this, don’t do that. What about what I want, Rogue?” I demand, irate. I get up in his face like he does to me, refusing to back down. “What about the fact that I’m getting sick and tired of your hot and cold bullshit?”
“Too fucking bad, you knew what you were signing up for.”
“Well maybe I’m done.”
His eyes narrow dangerously as “You don’t get to be done. We have a deal.”
I scoff humorlessly. “Don’t worry, I won’t back out of your precious deal. I’ll still go to detention and sleep in your bed and do whatever your sadistic little heart desires, but beyond that I’m done.”
I rip my arm out of his hold and shove him back angrily. He doesn’t even budge, the asshole.
He doesn’t say anything, just watches me silently as I walk out.
???
Rogue and I don’t speak the rest of the day. Mostly because I avoid him at all cost, staying in my room and studying for some exams I have that week. I’m still fuming but I’m also agitated. The conversation feels unfinished. So does whatever we had going on between us, whatever it is having failed so catastrophically before it could even get started.
I’ve read the same sentence five times and I can’t remember a word of it. I close my textbook with an angry huff, laying my forehead on the front cover dejectedly. He doesn’t deserve this much of my attention or emotion.
That night, I FaceTime with Thayer and tell her all about our first night and everything that came after. She’s got some choice curse words for the way he spoke to me, my ultimate defender as ever.
I go to sleep early, avoiding the kitchen and thus dinner for fear of running into him. My mom didn’t raise a coward but she also didn’t raise someone whose idea of a good time is to run directly into the lion’s mouth. He and I are oil and water and the more I can stay out of his way, the quicker these remaining few weeks will go by. I’ll be able to move on soon, and hopefully find a way to put Rogue and his damaged soul behind me.
I hope so.
I’m woken up by the mattress shifting as he joins me, but I pretend to be asleep. My back is turned to him so I don’t have the temptation of looking at his face between my eyelids.
I stay awake a while listening to his breath, waiting for it to even out so I know he’s asleep. But it never does.
And I hate that I ask myself if he’s also listening to my breathing.
???
23.
Rogue
I listen to her even breaths next to me, lulled by the sound. I hadn’t realized that my heart rate had been beating at a faster clip since the moment she walked out until now when I feel it settle as I lay beside her.
She’s on the very edge of the mattress, sleeping as far away from me as physically possible. Clearly she’s still pouting over our earlier spat.
