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40
Thayer
I spend my first couple of days back in Chicago at Trish’s apartment, resting and acclimatizing myself to the jet lag.
I don’t go see my mom. The emergency has long passed so she can wait a couple of days while I get settled, plus I’ve got a lot of bitterness over the way this entire situation was handled.
Having to learn about her overdose from Nolan who learned about it by sheer luck himself instead of being told by our mom was hurtful. It’s yet another display of selfishness from her.
She could have died.
I could be in Chicago for her funeral and not just to check up on her, but that fact either escapes her completely or she just really doesn’t give a shit. I don’t know which is worse.
So, I use the first two days to calm down so I don’t barge into her place and start an argument. I’ve gone that route too many times, I know it won’t work. I know it’ll push her further into her bad decision spiral and not the other way around.
If I want to convince her to try AA again for the umpteenth attempt, hoping that this time is the time it actually sticks, then I need to be as levelheaded as possible.
I take advantage of being at Trish’s to let myself be coddled and loved on, my heart and soul in sore need of both what with the double whammy of having to deal with my mom and my breakup.
When Rhys showed up at my place the night before I left after a week spent apart, it’d felt like fate. Obviously, I’d known that I was leaving the next morning but he had no idea.
I’d wanted to tell him more than anything. I’d wanted his thoughtful advice and steadfast support, like he’d done before my second soccer game and every day since.
It’d been on the tip of my tongue half a dozen times, even with how drunk he was because I knew the topic would have sobered him up on the spot, but I’d held back at the last second every time.
I’d missed him so much over the past week, more than I could put into words. He’d listened to me and had given me the time and space I’d needed but it hadn’t taken me long to realize that as angry as I was or had been, my feelings for him remained unchanged.
Seeing him at my place a couple of days ago confirmed that. He’d continued to prove his devotion to me through his words and actions and I’d decided that I wanted to try again.
But I hadn’t wanted to guilt him into coming with me. I know if I’d mentioned it to him, he’d have felt obliged to come and I didn’t want to burden him that way. No, I needed to keep this separate, to handle it myself and then when I was back in Switzerland, I’d mend the pieces with Rhys.
I walk into the kitchen just as Trish sets a plate on the counter. “Perfect, I was just going to call you for lunch.”
“Thanks,” I say, sitting next to her at the small table.
“Have you heard from Rhys?”
She’s seen me check my phone a few times since I got here, hoping that he’d have messaged me. I thought that when he realized I’d gone home that he would have texted me immediately and asked…something. But he didn't.
I haven’t heard a word from him.
I don’t know if it’s him still respecting my request for space or if he’s angry, but I hope it’s the former. I’d text him myself, but I’m not sure what to say without word vomiting an entire novel at him of everything I’m feeling.
No, better to wait until I’m back in a few of days.
I shake my head and push my food around my plate, not taking a bite.
“Eat.” She directs, “That boy loves you, baby. He’s loved you for a long time. It’ll work out but not if you starve yourself to death.”
“How do you know he loves me?”
“The way he looks at you. He could hide behind his verbal denials back then, but there was no masking the way he watched you like you were the only person in the room.” I eat as I listen to her. “He should never have participated in that bet, but I believe he truly loves you.”
“So do I.” I say, meeting her eye.
“Are you ready to forgive him?”
“I think I am, yeah.”
