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“I told you that everything between us was real and I meant it. I lied to you about some things but I never lied to you about the things that mattered.”
“You think your name doesn’t matter?”
“No–”
“You think telling me you were stuck teaching because it was your parents’ profession doesn’t matter?”
“I mean that when I was with you, I never pretended to be anyone other than exactly who I am!” He interjects, hotly. “I had to tell some small lies so I could be truthful about who I really am on the inside, about what I really want— that’s what I need you to understand.”
“You should never have lied at all.”
“I didn’t have a choice,” he entreats. “My father forced me here. He’s the scum of the earth, an evil bastard with endless amounts of power. I’ve spent half my life rebelling against him at every turn and that’s what started this whole thing,” he explains. “I humiliated him and in retaliation he sent me here to punish me, to teach me respect and humility and, more importantly, how to bend the knee to him.” He shakes Phoenix off who releases him. “I didn’t have a choice. He threatened my mum. For a year, I was supposed to teach here and not speak to her or my sister. I was supposed to be celibate,” he adds, giving me a look. “In exchange, he promised that he’d stop hitting her. That’s why I agreed to it.” He takes my hands and presses them against his chest. “That’s why I was so angry when Tess texted me the other day. He broke our agreement.” His tone is imploring when he continues, “You see, I didn’t lie about everything. I told you the truth when it mattered.”
“You were supposed to be celibate?”
He releases me and runs a frantic hand through his hair. “I thought I was just throwing a year of my life away. I was unprepared for you. I didn’t expect to meet you, to be obsessed with you, to fall in love with you. I tried getting you out of my head when we were casually sleeping together, I tried to forget you, but I couldn’t. I never meant to lie or get into this situation. I’m not excusing it. I made the decisions I made and I’m at fault. I’m so sorry for that. But I didn’t expect to fall in love. I should have let you go but I couldn’t and I’m certainly not about to now. Everything I did, every lie I told, was because I couldn’t give you up. I know that sounds like bullshit, but it’s the truth.”
I’m overwhelmed taking in not only the betrayal, but all the truths revealed behind the lie. My body riots against it. My hands are clammy, my heart is tripping over itself, and a headache pounds against my temples.
I fight against the war raging inside me and nod, asking him the only question that really matters now.
“What was the plan?”
His reaction tells me that I catch him off guard. His brow furrows in confusion.
“What?”
“You asked me to stop running from you, Tristan, so I am. This is me staying and giving you a chance at forgiveness. I can understand the terrible position you were put in and I can forgive it — forgiveyou—ifyou answer my question,” I tell him. “You say you love me, so tell me what your plan was for us.”
He remains silent and the gaping wound he inflicted only ten minutes prior grows wider. Silence from the man who’s always had comforting and reassuring words for me. I never thought the absence of words could hurt me more than the ones hurled cruelly at me.
“Why are you silent?What was the plan?” I yell now, pushing at his chest. “Were you ever going to tell me your real name? Were you going to tell me about your real life? What was going to happen when you went back to London at the end of the year?” My voice shakes under the force of my growing anger.
“I… I hadn’t thought that far,” he says. “But I was going to figure it out, I promise.”
“When? It’s almost March, we’ve been sleeping together since August. Were you going to wait until we’d dated for a year before you realized you had to dump me?” Hurt gives way to absolute rage. “Was I just a fling to keep you entertained before you went back to your real life?”
“No!” He blurts out, incensed.
“Then prove to me that you thought about us, about our future, when you lied to me. Prove to me that I mean everything to you like you claim andshow mewhat your plan was for our relationship,” I beg.
I can’t see anything through the wall of tears welling in my eyes. The depth of his perfidy astounds me and breaks my heart. A single tear drops from an eyelash and onto my cheek.
“Please, don’t cry. I don’t have a solution yet, but I will. I’ll figure it ou–”
My eyes flutter brokenly shut, as if to keep the painful reality from getting to me.
“Got it,” I say, hollowly. I feel like I just swallowed glass. Like if I take a breath, the glass will tear through my lungs and rip me apart from the inside out. The damage is invisible to outside eyes, but irreversibly made nonetheless.
“We’re going to be together, Nera,” he vows.
“No, we’re not,” I tell him, categorically. I turn away and hear scuffling behind me. I know the boys stop him from reaching for me.
“Nera–”
“This isexactlywhat I thought you were going to do to me,” I say, brokenly. A humorless laugh erupts from me. “Well no, I can’t say I quite predicted a fake name and a fake career, but I knew you weren’t in this as seriously as me.”
I drop my face into my hands and cry. Violent, painful sobs rack through my body as small hands close around me. I recognize Six as she pulls me against her.
