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“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Six says, jumping in place to keep warm as she removes her socks.
“I can’t believe I didn’t do this sooner!” Thayer cheers excitedly. She drops the pile of warm towels we brought onto her jacket, protecting them from the wet ground.
Thankfully it’s completely dark out, the only source of light coming from the moon and its reflection on the water, so when I remove my bra and drop my underwear, I’m not thinking of my body.
I banish those thoughts with a shake of my head.
I reach for Thayer and Six’s hands on either side of me. I hear their teeth chattering in the dark and feel them bouncing on their toes to keep their feet from getting too cold.
“Ready?” I ask, squeezing their hands.
“Born ready,” Thayer whispers enthusiastically back to me.
“On three?” Six says.
“One…,” we start.
We take a step back so we have some room to jump.
“Two…”
I squeeze their hands one final time and when I turn to look at Six, my smile is reflected on her face.
“Three!”
With what sounds almost like a harmonized scream, we run to the edge of the pontoon and leap off. There’s a second there where we’re stuck in the balance, our feet off the ground, our bodies hung in the air, and I experience total peace. It’s fleeting but it’s so still and restful.
Then I hit the water and all of the breath expels from my lungs. I go under, noticing how the water envelops every inch of my skin and swallows me whole. I sink into the dark depths, my hair floating around me as I enjoy the weightlessness of my body.
The initial shock wears off and the cold hits me all at once. It’s freezing. My bones feel brittle, my skin taught. My extremities scream at the iciness of the water. My lips turn blue.
But then my heart beats and I hear it.
More importantly, Ifeelit.
Stubborn and strong, it pounds in my veins, the only sound in the dark and silent depths. The rhythm is animated and loud, proudly announcing my presence to whatever life lives below the surface. I’m certain each beat causes an aftershock of ripples in the water.
I’m alive.
It’s not often that I feel it.
I smile underwater and let myself float seconds longer. When I’m ready, I kick my legs and pull myself to the surface, erupting with a vocal inhale of breath.
“That was amazing!” Six screams when she sees me.
She and Thayer are treading water. They’re shivering from the cold, their teeth chattering.
“It was so f-fun, but let’s get out of here b-before I f…freeze to death,” Thayer says, heading for the pontoon.
The cold is there, but it’s secondary to the feeling of lightness in my chest.
We swim to the ladder and get out, throwing towels at each other and wrapping our jackets over our shoulders as we try to warm ourselves.
“Last one to the car has to do the dishes tomorrow,” I yell, darting past them with my clothes clutched against my chest.
“Cheater!” I hear Six yell from behind me.
We’re laughing and running and screaming happily. I’m so out of breath, I feel like my lungs are going to explode. My body hurts as I make it to the car and jump into the backseat, but I feel it. That feeling of joy.
