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It was all out in the open now. At the very least, I owed her an explanation if she would accept it.
I knelt down next to her and held her hair until she drank her fill. When she was done, she sat down, and I joined her.
“Is Donovan dead,” she asked after a while.
“He will be. Aidan is taking care of him. He’s seen too much.”
She leaned against me, burying her face in my chest, and started to cry. I put my arms around her, pulling her in tight. “Shh,” I assured her. “You’re safe now. I’ve got you.”
“Is it wrong for me to want him dead?”
“No, lass.” I kissed the top of her head. “It’s not wrong.”
“I just didn’t want to watch you do it.” She drew in a deep, shaky breath. “It terrifies me to see you like that. You terrify me.”
I felt my heart crack. “I never lied to you about what I was.”
“I know, but hearing it and seeing it are two different things. Plus, I thought you were referring to a character flaw. I never thought monsters really existed.”
“I know you saw Dearil at the pier. You saw the worst of it,” I explained.
“Dearil,” she repeated.
“It’s Scottish. It means call of death. He was, well is, the King of the Kelpies.”
“The beautiful big black horse,” she said. “It was the one I saw before, only this time it had wings.”
“Beautiful?” I questioned.
“He was to me. Only I knew it was you. It’s your other form that scares me. The one with the blue face and red eyes.”
“Dearil usually appears as a horse straight from hell. Flayed skin, black blood running through his yellow veins, and red demonic eyes. If you see him as beautiful, he’s trying to charm you and lure you into his underwater abode. Kelpies are notorious for it.”
“Is that how you see yourself?”
“I’m a monster, Evie. You might see something beautiful, but it’s not.” I ran my hand down her side. “Christ, you’re freezing. We should get back inside.”
“No, I don’t want to go in just yet.”
I took my jacket off and covered her legs. “I’m sorry for leaving you the other night. I never should have.”
“I told you to go.”
“Aye, but I knew you were scared. I should have stayed.”
“What about Bilderberg?” she asked nervously.
I kissed her forehead. “Fuck Bilderberg. It means nothing to me.”
“That’s not true. It’s what you wanted most.”
“It’s what I thought I wanted. When I heard you were missing, everything changed. Evie, it’s you that I want. Nothing more.”
“Keir.” She ran her fingers down my cheek, her hand shaking. “This is a lot to take in. A lot to comprehend.”
“I know it is, darling.”
“I saw the initiation that night. I heard the incantations. The blood on Aidan’s chest. Is this Satanic?”
