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It’s probably the only way anyone can be close to me.
Ilsa wanted me to be better than I am—leading to endless disappointment.
“I don’t know if it’s because of Adrik, or because of what he makes me want.”
“What does he make you want?”
“He makes me want to follow my impulses.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
I look at the long stretch of sand below us, pocked by countless footprints, then perfectly smooth where the waves have washed them away.
“Historically, yes.”
Nix laughs softly. “Sometimes bad decisions take us to the best places.”
I sit up a little so I can see her face. Her eyes are closed, her red-gold lashes laying against cheeks dusted with freckles finer than sand.
“Not everyone’s story ends as well as yours.”
Without opening her eyes, Nix replies, “My story isn’t over. It’s been painful along the way … but I can accept anything if it’s my choice. Regret comes from what you wish you did. You can’t regret what you know was right.”
She’s thinking of her father, I’m sure. She loved her father more than anything. He was her whole world—until she met Rafe.
Nix chose the Petrovs. Because Rafe was what she wanted.
“IthoughtI wanted to go to Kingmakers. Maybe I’m one of those people who’s never satisfied.”
Nix tilts her face up, catching more of the sunshine. She takes a deep breath and lets it out. I feel the sigh more than I hear it, our bodies pressed together all the way down our sides.
“I don’t think Rafe and I will stay here forever,” she says. “But it’s where we want to be right now.”
“You’re saying I don’t have to plan so far ahead.”
Now Nix does open her eyes, and I see the sympathy in them, her desire to help me, not to push me in any direction. She takes my hand and squeezes it.
“I’m not saying anything—except I’ll miss you wherever you go.”
My face is hot with the discomfort that comes whenever anyone is kind to me. Aggression is easier to match.
“My dad always says in our world you’re dead if you can’t think eight steps ahead.”
“Well … I don’t want to fight with your dad,” Nix says, lazily swinging the hammock again. “But life isn’t chess. You’re not looking down on an open board. No one can actually see the future. Sometimes you just … jump.”
She digs under her thigh, retrieving her phone.
“Look,” she says, scrolling. “You look pretty happy to me.”
She holds up the screen for me to see. It’s a picture of the four of us at the arcade. Nix is eating cotton candy, Rafe has his arms wrapped around her waist from behind, and I’m holding a giant teddy bear that Adrik won at the shooting gallery. We could all have won bears if the barker hadn’t banned us from the game after Adrik dented half his targets.
That bear’s sitting up in Nix’s room right now. Like an idiot, I’m wishing it could fit in my suitcase.
“Did you post that pic?” I ask Nix.
Adrik is standing right next to me—not touching me, but close enough that it’s pretty clear we’re on a double date.
“Yeah,” Nix says, “but don’t worry, my account’s private. I’ve only got like twenty-eight followers including you.”
