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The nurse handed me a plastic cup and explained how the test worked. “When you’re done, come back here. We don’t need you to get undressed yet. The doctor will be with you once we have your results.”
Right. She obviously said this a million times a year, the way the words rolled off her tongue like a script, but this entire thing was terrifying. “Thank you,” I forced my voice to stay steady.
Maddox gave my hand another squeeze before I headed into the bathroom to pee into a cup. I stuck my sample into the little metal box I assumed also opened on the other side, and joined Maddox in the exam room.
I was surprised when the nurse was back less than ten minutes later. “We’re just going to do a quick blood test, too.” She was already prepping her kit.
“Why?” Should they have led with this?
“It’s more accurate, and since you’ve already done this a few times, we want to make sure.”
“Shouldn’t you have led with this, then?” Maddox mirrored my thoughts with his question.
She gave him a tight smile. “We’re covering our bases. Nothing is wrong.”
“Which makes it sound like something is wrong,” he said.
They hadn’t looked at me yet. We couldn’t jump to conclusions. I tangled my fingers with his. “It’s fine,” I said.
The nurse took a new sample, and left us alone again.
This time we were alone for what felt like an eternity. Maddox was still at first, but it didn’t take long before he was bouncing his leg. Humming something he was likely making up on the spot.
Not that I blamed him. I’d provide a beat if I had anything room for that in my head.
At the sound of a soft knock, we both jumped.
The doctor poked her head in. She barely looked older than me. Did I need someone with more experience? My regular doctor wasn’t available, but this one had come highly recommended by Adrienne. She must be good.
She introduced herself as Martha, which was far friendlier than Dr. anything. Was that comforting or too casual for my liking?
“You’re probably only interested in one thing right now.” She logged into the computer and angled the screen toward herself. “We have both test results back, and you’re not pregnant.”
Oh. What was I feeling? “Are you certain?” Why did I ask that? I needed to be taking her answer. Processing. Saying thank you and yanking Maddox out of here. “Why would it say yes if it’s a no? Is there another way you can check?”
Her smile was either sympathetic or condescending. Both?
I wasn’t capable of processing my own feelings at the moment, let alone guessing someone else’s.
“There are a lot of reasons it could happen, and most of them aren’t bad reasons,” she said. “If you take the test at a certain point in your cycle. If the test is expired. Certain medications—antihistamines even. Fertility treatments.”
“I’m definitely not doing those.”
“We can do an ultrasound and I can show you. Lay back.” She grabbed supplies from a nearby cupboard.
I situated myself on the exam bed, pulled my shirt up and the waist of my pants down enough for the jelly.
She was patient as she walked us through the entire thing. Sliding the sensor around my stomach while Maddox pointed at the screen and asked questions.
The longer she talked, the more realty sank in. I wasn’t pregnant.
I didn’t have another person growing inside me.
I was just me.
It took entirely too many paper towels to wipe the jelly off my skin, and I didn’t say more than five words the entire time. When we were done, I thanked the doctor, straightened out my clothes, and left with Maddox.
He kept a tight grip on my hand as we walked out the parking lot.
