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“It’s not a problem,” I said. “Happens all the time. Get dressed and I’ll drive you downtown to get a new date.”
“Thanks, but that’s not necessary. I can drive myself. Thanks for stopping by to tell me.”
“Unfortunately, you’re officially a felon now and I need to accompany you to the courthouse. Get dressed.”
“A felon? Whoa, where’d that come from?”
“Not my idea,” I said. “It’s the law. You failed to appear for a court date and that makes you a felon.”
“That’s harsh.”
“Are you going to get dressed or are we taking you downtown naked?”
He smiled wide, showing perfect white teeth and dimples. “Really? Would you really take me in naked?”
“Yes,” I said. “I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again.”
“I have a better idea,” he said. “Why don’t you and your sister come in and we’ll socialize a little. Have a glass of wine. Get to know each other. Then I’ll get dressed and we can all go wherever you want.”
“I’m not actually her sister,” Grandma said, all smiles.
He winked at Grandma, and I clapped a cuff on his right wrist.
He turned his attention to the handcuffs. “Kinky.”
“You’re a sick person,” I said, cuffing his other wrist.
“I’m not sick,” he said. “I’m fun.”
“You’re also a blackmailer.”
“I prefer to think of myself as a businessman. I provide a service and then I expect compensation.”
“Go to his bedroom and get something that will cover him,” I said to Grandma.
Grandma came back with a sheet. “You should see his bedroom,” she said. “His bed is huge. One of those king-sized ones.”
“Room for three, if you’re into that sort of thing,” Winter said.
I wrapped the sheet around him and tugged him to thedoor and down the steps. Grandma closed the door behind us, and we were about to cross the street when a Mercedes sedan slid to a stop in front of us. Four women got out and rushed at Grandma and me. They were in their late thirties to early forties. All had blond hair that was perfectly cut and colored. Minimal makeup. Diamond studs in their ears, and the diamonds didn’t look fake. All wearing gym clothes. Lycra leggings and warm-up jackets. One of them drew a gun and the other three grabbed Winter and shoved him into the backseat of the Mercedes.
“Sorry,” the woman with the gun said to me. “You’re going to have to wait your turn. You can have him when we’re done with him.”
“I’m bail bond enforcement,” I said, handing her my card.
“Whatever,” she said. “We’ll gift wrap him and bring him back here tomorrow. I’ll make sure you get your cuffs back.”
She jumped into the front passenger seat and the car sped away.
“That was weird,” Grandma said.
“Yeah, welcome to my world.”
“I could see where the ladies like him,” Grandma said. “He’s a cutie pie. He has dimples. And he has a way with words. He thought I was your sister. I think the new moisturizer I’m using must be working.” She thought for a couple beats. “He was sort of kidnapped. Should we tell the police?”
Reporting a kidnapping would involve time and paperwork. I’d have to explain to multiple people how I took my grandmother with me to make a capture and then gave him up at gunpoint to four women. And when I told the police that the women hadpromised to give him back to me tomorrow, they’d just grimace and file the paperwork away in a bottom drawer.
“It wasn’t exactly a kidnapping,” I said. “I mean, they promised to bring him back.”
