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I introduced myself and told her she missed her court date.
“Oh, dear God,” she said. “What a tragedy. Total disaster. Excuse me while I go hang myself in the bathroom. I think I’ll use my outdated and too-small Gucci belt.”
“It’s not a big deal,” I said. “We’ll get you rescheduled, and you’ll be back home in an hour. Maybe two.”
“This is about the shower, right?” she asked. “Let me tell you about the shower. The bitch bride-to-be used to be my best friend. Turns out she was screwing my fiancé behind my back, and obviously she was better at it than I was because he dumped me.”
“I could teach you a few tricks if you’re interested,” Lula said.
“I’m not interested,” Johnston said. “I’m done with men. I’m getting a fish or a turtle or something.”
“I guess they don’t allow dogs here,” Lula said.
“They don’t allow anything that poops outside of the apartment.”
“That’s too bad,” Lula said. “A dog would be a good substitute for a man. They make real good companions.”
“About getting rescheduled…,” I said.
“Not only did this jerk dump me,” Johnston said, “he took back his ring and gave it to the slime creature. He gave hermydiamond ring. The ring we picked out together. It was a Plover ring.”
Holy cow. There really is a God. And he must like me. Go figure.
“I have good news for you,” I said to Johnston. “Don’t tellanyone where you got this information, but I happen to know that Plover is under investigation for selling fake diamonds.”
Johnston sucked in some air. “Are you shitting me?”
“Nope,” I said. “No shit. The slime creature’s probably wearing a worthless ring. And it’s not just diamonds. I’m told almost all of the jewelry Plover recently sold was fake.”
“Holy crap,” Johnston said. “This is big. This is fantastic. I love this. I’m happy again.”
“And you got to shoot up a piñata,” Lula said. “You got style. I admire you for that. I hope I can get to shoot up a piñata someday.”
“Yeah, it was good,” Johnston said. “It was loaded with Hershey kisses and the freaking thing exploded. There were kisses flying everywhere. It was awesome.”
“And then you pushed the slime creature into the sheet cake,” Lula said.
“It was anticlimactic to the piñata,” Johnston said, “but it just seemed like the right thing to do.”
“Like going downtown to get you rescheduled,” I said.
“Whatever,” Johnston said. “As long as I can do my shift at the bar. If I don’t mention your name, I can spread this info, right?”
“Absolutely,” I said. “Tell everyone.”
Connie met us at the municipal building and wrote a new bail bond for Johnston. Lula went back to the office with Connie and Bob, and I went to Rangeman.
I changed into my viewing uniform and called Ranger.
“I need a ring,” I said. “Or maybe a pendant. I was hoping I could borrow something from the Plover collection.”
“Is this a special occasion?”
“Yes. The Mitchell Zelinsky viewing is tonight, and I want to spread some rumors.”
“I have the Plover pieces in my safe. Come to my office and you can choose whatever you want.”
Ranger had the trays stacked on his desk when I walked in.
