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I love you.
It’s okay.
I’m here.
Her head tilts back, and I meet her broken gaze. There’s a void where her light, my light, was. Now, it’s empty. It’s gone. Because of him. He took it from her, just like he took everything else.
I hold her face gently in my trembling hands, pressing my forehead against hers. It’s the absence of her warmth, the familiar happiness that I’ve always loved so fucking much, that finally breaks me.
“I’m so fucking sorry.” I squeeze my eyes shut as the tears fall. I don’t want her to see them, but it’s impossible. Reaching up, she wraps her hands around my wrists.
She feels so small, so fragile. So breakable.
Is that why he did this? Because he wanted to break her?
God knows how he loves to break the people he’s supposed to love.
We hold each other silently, our tears mixing as the water washes them away like they never existed. Finally, when it turns cold, I pull away. Her eyes are puffy, her lips swollen, and cheeks red. She looks drained.
“Let me clean you up,” I murmur, brushing the wet strands of hair from her face. After adjusting the temperature, I turn the overhead faucet off and let the tub fill with water. I keep her in my arms as I gently wash her body.
I try not to think about it, try not to let my anger override my body when she whimpers as I clean the blood off. But she lets me. She lets me touch her, and wash her, and try to repair what’s been done.
I know I can’t. I know no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, this will always haunt her. This will forever replay in her mind, and there’s nothing I can do to fucking fix it.
Nothing.
I feel helpless.
I feel angry.
I feel like killing the motherfucker that did this to her.
I stare out the window, the day passing in a blur of blue and green as we drive into Mammoth. How can everything outside look so happy, so bright, when all I feel inside is a dark nothingness I’ve never known before?
I shift in my seat, my body still hurting and sore after…
Fresh tears well in my eyes, but I brush them away with my shaky fingertips.
How am I still crying? How do I have any tears left in my body?
I’m in sweatpants and a t-shirt Roman had in his old room. Honestly, I’m not even sure how I got dressed or to the car. After we broke down in the shower, everything was a blur. I don’t remember anything.
But I remember Isaac—
I squeeze my eyes shut.
Don’t think about him.
Don’t think about him.
Don’t think about him.
Roman hasn’t touched me. He’s barely said anything since we left Divinity. But I can’t make myself care. I can’t make myself check in with him, not when I feel so utterly ruined myself.
It feels like a heavy blanket is weighing me down, like it’s pressing me into the seat. Panic bubbles up my chest, but I push it down. Not now. I’ve broken enough in front of Ro. He doesn’t need to see it again. He doesn’t need the burden of…me.
More tears leak from my eyes. They won’t stop. No matter how hard I try, they just keep falling.
