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Now I see those issues are deeper than he ever let on. The darkness inside him is worse than I could’ve ever imagined.
Worse than anyone could imagine.
God, what will Ro do when he finds out?
“I want to kill him,” Oli mutters, angrily wiping her face with her free hand. “I want to rip his head off and put it on a pike in front of the church.”
“So bloodthirsty,” I murmur, forcing myself to be light. But it doesn’t land, not the way I want it to.
“I’m serious,” she growls. “I—I hate him. I hate him.”
“Oli,” I breathe, but she shakes her head. I see her spiraling, see her going into the darkness she pretends doesn’t live inside her. “Olive.”
She blinks and slides her gaze to me. Whatever she sees on my face makes her take a deep breath. I watch her ground herself, then sit up. She folds her legs under herself as she stares down at me.
“What do you need?” she asks, forcing herself to be strong. “Food? Drink? Chocolate—”
A bleat has me gasping and sitting up on my elbow. Oli jumps up and runs to Potato. “Oh my God! Her first words!” she cries, throwing her arms around the goats neck. “She’s broken her vow of silence!”
I can’t help it, a small, breathy laugh leaves me. It’s enough to get Oli to freeze, then whirl on me, grinning. “A smile and a laugh in one day? Progress, baby.”
She pats Potato’s head, then sends the goat out of the room before sinking onto the end of the bed. “Now, what do you need? Ice cream?”
Ice cream? Fuck, I wish all I needed to fix the aching chasm inside of me was ice cream.
If only ice cream could fix how dirty I feel.
So dirty.
“Bath,” I mutter, and she hops back up.
“I can do that. Come with me.” She holds her hand out and I hesitate, but I force myself to take a deep breath and grab her hand, letting her help me to my feet.
I shuffle out of the room, my body still sore, and down the hall, following her into the bathroom. She scurries around, grabbing stuff from under the sink as the bathtub fills with water.
“Pink, purple, or blue?” she asks, her back to me.
“What?”
“Pick a color.” She glances at me over her shoulder, her brows raised expectantly.
“I don’t care,” I mutter, but she stays staring at me. I sigh, leaning back on the counter. “Pink.”
She nods and turns back toward the water. Plastic crinkles, then she drops something in the tub. The bath bomb begins to fizz, staining the water a pretty, glittery pink shade as the room fills with a strong, floral scent that has my shoulders dropping.
“In you get,” she says, waving at the tub, her voice full of motherly concern. “Don’t come out until you’re ready. The guys can use the other bathroom.” She rolls her eyes, and I bite my lip. She’ll stand guard out in the hall if she has to.
“Thanks, Oli.” She grins and squeezes my arm as she passes, shutting the door firmly behind her.
I stare at the water, at the bottles she lined up on the edge of the tub for me to choose from. My hands shake as I pull my oversized clothes off and toss them to the floor. I’m still wearing Roman’s sweatshirt but it’s a different one than before. I have a vague memory of him asking me if I wanted to change myself or if I needed help, but my answer and everything after is a blur.
The water feels amazing on my skin as I sink into the tub, sighing at the sweet smell and warmth.
Running my hand through the water, the glitter dances and whirls, the light from the window reflecting off it. It looks so pretty. So…
The smile I didn’t know I had on my face fades. I shouldn’t be surrounded by something so pretty when I’m so dirty.
I’m fucking the whore out of you.
