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And seconds later, his voice hits me and my tears, my never ending tears, finally slow.
Again and again, he replays the song.
Again and again, the words in my mind start and stop with Roman’s voice. It goes on for so long, I drift to sleep listening to it, cocooned by the warm water and safety of his voice.
Then I feel arms around me, lifting me out of the tub. I stir, nearly pushing away until his scent hits me. I whimper, gathering his shirt in my fist as he wraps a towel around me.
“Hush, Goldie,” he murmurs. “I’ve got you.”
I bury my face in his shirt, inhaling his comforting scent again.
My peace, my safe place, my Roman.
Lifting me, he carries me back to his room, and lays me on the bed, covering me with the blankets and tucks me in tightly. I expect him to leave, but he doesn’t. He lays beside me, right where Oli had been.
He faces me and gently tucks my hair behind my ear. His eyes flick between mine, his touch featherlight.
“Don’t stop,” I whisper, and his full lips tip up in a small smile.
“I won’t stop until your sunshine comes back,” he promises.
I swallow around another wave of tears. “Don’t stop,” I murmur, slowly sliding my pinky between us as I meet his stare. “Even then, don’t stop.”
He sucks in a sharp breath and squeezes his eyes shut for a brief second, his pinky wrapping around mine, before blinking them open again.
“My sweet, Goldie,” he whispers. A tear trickles down his cheek. “Haven’t you figured it out yet? Without the golden sun to show us how bright the world can really be, night would cease to exist.”
My lips part as his thumb brushes against my hand and starts to hum our song once more.
I skim the words, but I’m not really reading them. I haven’t been able to sink into a book since Eve got home nearly two weeks ago, but it hasn’t stopped me from reading—or trying to. Mostly because I can’t sleep.
Every night, I sit beside her as she sleeps and I read, then reread the same pages. Usually, I’d be done with a book by now, but my mind isn’t in it. It’s on her.
After I sang to her the other day while she was in the bath, she’s slowly opened up a little more every day. She’s still quiet. She’s still a shell of the person she was. But she’s trying.
She’s eaten more than just a bite of food here and there. And she drank tea. Which wouldn’t be a big deal if she didn't usually act like she’d inject it into her veins if she could. She hadn’t touched it—she had no desire for anything other than laying right where she currently is and staring at the wall.
But she wanted tea, and it’s the first glimmer of hope I’ve had since I brought her home. I’m not stupid enough to think her drinking a few sips of sweet tea means she’s alright. She might never be alright.
I know better than anyone how trauma can haunt you, how it can dictate every aspect of your life and personality. It changes who you are, who you could’ve been, and molds you into a person you don’t recognize. A person you sometimes hate.
I refuse to let her hate herself over something that wasn’t her fault. I won’t let her spiral deeper, or try to fight alone. She has me. She has Oli and Chase. Hell, even Kon is going up to bat for her.
She’s not alone.
“What are you reading?”
Her raspy voice startles me, and I snap my head down to her. Her bleary eyes stare back at me. She’s lost, but not as empty as she was. Every day a bit more of her light shines in her eyes. A bit more life comes back.
It fucking kills me she ever lost it.
“The Goldfinch,” I mutter, glancing at the book. She stays staring at me, like she’s waiting for more of an explanation. But I don’t know what else to say.
Silently, she scoots closer. She rests her head on my shoulder, and I inhale sharply, feeling my entire body tense at her touch. I hadn’t expected her to touch me. She hasn’t touched me in…days. Weeks.
She feels it, and pulls her head away. “What’s wrong?” she whispers, but I shake my head. Her eyes look sad as she pulls further away. “I’m sorry.”
I don’t need to be a mind reader to know where her head just went. I want her to touch me, I just hadn’t expected it.
