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No. I shake myself. It wasn’t her fault. It was his. Fuck, he probably picked it just to spite me.
He manipulated her. Took advantage of her. She was fucking drunk, and he still slept with her. Used her.
He should’ve known better. He shouldn’t have ever touched her. Should’ve never fucking looked at her.
I think he was drunk, too.
What the fuck?
Somehow, I know it was his idea to use my bed. To invade my space and take her. The one thing, the one person, that was solely mine, and he took her once, then he took again. In his fucked up head, he probably thought he won. He probably thought she chose him.
And maybe at first, she had. But we all knew who she really loved.
It wasn’t a competition, it never has been. I’ve loved Eve from day one. Even when it was hard to string sentences together, even when I wanted to spend all my time alone in my room.
I loved her when she was just my annoying little stepsister.
I loved her when she was trying to force me from the darkness and into her light.
I loved her when she was just my friend, reading and laughing with me when no one else did.
I loved her when she suddenly became more.
I loved her so much that I walked away when I thought my love, I, wasn’t good enough. When he said I wasn’t good enough. But she loved me through my darkness, and now, I’ll love her through hers.
I know how my girl feels about me; she knows how I feel about her. How I’ve always felt about her. Even in our years apart, I never stopped loving her. Never stopped needing her like I needed air.
Her words from the other day hit me in the chest. We fought over her like she was a toy, like she’s a possession we could own. But she isn’t that. She’s so much more.
I look back at the messages, noticing this one is from the morning before they slept together.
Eve:
Today’s the anniversary of the hardest day of my life. Mama’s gone, you’re gone, and I’m still here. Where are you?
She was alone. Every year on Jane’s death, she was alone. I never even called her. Never checked in on her. I was selfish. I was hurting. But that isn’t a good enough excuse.
I should’ve made sure she was okay.
Tears drip from my eyes as I continue reading messages that span nearly a year back.
Eve:
I want to hate you. I want to hate you so badly, but I can’t because as much as I wish you didn’t, you still own my heart. You always have, and I think you always will.
Eve:
Today was the first time I went live. I was terrified. Surprisingly, I made a lot of money, and if I keep going, I can fill the map up really soon. I’m not great at it and I don’t love showing myself to strangers, but it will all be worth it someday.
Eve:
I wish you were here.
Eve:
Oli made a Favorite Fans account for me today. I probably won’t use it.
Eve:
