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My insecurities get the better of me for a moment as my mind tries to convince me that it's not true.He got bored and forgot about you once. Who's to say it won't happen again?!I try to ignore those thoughts, but it's too hard.
"Then where were you when I needed you? You abandoned me."
Nate looks like I've physically wounded him.
"It wasn't like that. I would never abandon you."
"But you did. You left me. You forgot about me. You threw our friendship away when I needed you the most," I shout. Normally, I'd never be this brave. From living with my parents, I've grown up learning that you have to hide your true emotions and put on a fake smile. But with the alcohol coursing through my system, the gaping wound in my chest becomes wider, and I can't stay silent any longer.
"Bella, please believe me…" Nate begs, but I cut him off.
"No! You hurt me! You left me! I loved you and you rejected me!" I shout even louder as the big ugly tears flow. I turn away, not wanting anyone to see me in this state, and attempt to storm off, but Nate reaches out and grabs a hold of my arm.
"Bella, please! Don't leave. Not again! I couldn't survive losing you again," Nate shouts loud enough for me to hear over the music. Even though he’s not necessarily shouting at me, it still stops me in my tracks. In all the years I've known Nate, he's never raised his voice.
I turn around to look at him.
"Then what happened?" I plead as a loud sob escapes me.
"Bella, there's so much to tell you, and I will, I promise! But not here, not now, not when you're drunk. I promise you, I will explain everything. Know that I would never abandon you on purpose, I don't want to ever hurt you, Bella." Nate begs, holding my hand so that I can see the pain in his eyes. How much being away from me hurt him too.
"But you did, you hurt me massively. You were my person, Nate. My best friend. Heck, my only friend." I continue, feeling all the years of pain come pouring out. "I loved you, Nate. You were like family, and you abandoned me. You gave up on me and threw our friendship away like it meant nothing." Unable to control my tears and not wanting to embarrass myself further, I run away.
"Bella, stop," I hear from behind me, but I don't stop. I keep running until I make it around the corner and away from prying eyes. Crouching down behind a wall, I allow the tears to fully flow. Big, fat, ugly sobs escape me. I pull my knees up to my chest and curl myself into a ball, wrapping my arms around my legs and physically holding myself together to help keep myself from breaking.
"Bella…BELLA!" I hear Nate roaring, but I don't even lift my head up to look. Moments later, I hear a thud as someone slumps down beside me.
"Bella, please baby, let me explain," he whispers from beside me, and the desperation in his voice makes me look at him.
"Don't cry, Bella, please." he begs, throwing his arm around me. Instinctively, I lean into him. The way I've done so many times before, breathing in his scent.
Reaching out, he pulls me in tightly, and places me onto his lap as he strokes my hair.
"You left me," I say again, beating one hand against his chest.
"I know I did, baby, and for that, I will forever be sorry. But I promise I didn't mean to," he says, and I can tell by the tone of his voice he's upset and crying too.
"Then why did you?" I sniffle, lifting my head to look at his face.
"I had no choice, Bella. I didn't want to tell you, not like this, but I've been in care these last few years."
"What?" I gasp. "What do you meanin care?"
"Care Bella, as in ripped from my fucking life, driven halfway across the country, and forced to live with god-damn strangers."
"Oh Nate. I'm so sorry, what happened?" The pain and betrayal I felt moments ago disappears, and instead is replaced by guilt and empathy. I feel myself welling up again with tears, but this time because of what he has gone through.
"You remember my father? Need I say more?" He says with his voice lacking any emotion.
"Please, Nate, I want to know everything. Please trust me with this." I beg, reaching out and squeezing his hand.
"I do trust you, Bella. I'm just not ready to have this conversation right now. Please, we will talk, and I'll tell you everything. But not here. Not surrounded by strangers. Not when you're drunk and won't remember. I'll tell you everything, Bella, I promise. Just not now.
My drunken mind wants me to push further and demand that he tells me everything right here, right now, but instead I trust my gut; my gut is telling me there has to be a story. A story that I am determined to find out,maybe when the room isn't spinning, though.For now, I follow my heart and simply nod back, knowing deep inside that he will tell me when he's ready.
We sit together in a silent embrace. "I've missed this," I whisper against Nate's chest.
"And I've missed you, princess," he answers back, placing a soft kiss to the top of my head. I feel the walls I've placed around my heart begin to crumble.Even now, after all these years, he's still my person. My best friend. My protector. He's the boy who's always made me feel safe and loved.
