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"Go wait in the car," Gabe demands, but I can't move. I'm just staring down at Keith. His face is covered in blood, and cuts, and his t-shirt is dirty and full of beer stains.
I see him sit up, and I don't know if it's relief that he's alive, shock at what I've done, or sheer disgust at the monster I've become, but I start sobbing and throwing up violently. I look around and notice the other two guys are nowhere to be seen. Gabe sees me and responds to my unasked question. "The pussies ran away as soon as they had the chance, but I gave them a few good whacks before they bolted," Gabe says, sounding almost proud of himself. I, on the other hand, have never been so disgusted with myself.
I’d gotten into my fair share of fights while I was in Baltimore. I even dabbled in a few underground fights to make a little extra money, but I've never lost it like that. I never wanted to hurt anyone like that, and I definitely never choked anyone so badly that I felt the air escape from their lungs. I walk up to Keith and reach out my hand to help him up, ready to apologize or something, but he cowers away from me in fear, and it breaks my heart.
I run to the car, but it's locked, so I sit down on the sidewalk, my head in my hands, trying to breathe as best I can while the adrenaline slowly leaves my body. Seconds, minutes, maybe even hours pass before I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up and see Gabe staring at me with his protective gaze, reminding me of all those moments when we were kids. He unlocks the car, and I slide in without even attempting to speak. On the drive, both of us are silent. I lean my head against the window and feel a light breeze blow against my head where the window isn't fully closed. I watch as the streetlights get farther and farther apart until there is barely any light at all.
I feel the car stop and hear the driver's door close. My door swings open, and I almost fall out from sheer surprise and exhaustion, but I manage to keep myself upright. I look ahead and see that we're parked on a dirt road in the middle of God knows where. I want to climb out, but my legs feel like jelly, so instead I just sit with my legs out the door and prop myself up with my feet while I rest my head in my hands. I feel a hand on my leg and see Gabe kneeling in front of me, looking at me with the most terrified look I've ever seen. He says something. I know because his mouth moves and he's still looking at me. I'm able to catch some things, words, like "okay", "here" or "sorry". And my name., I recognize the moment when my full name, Nathaniel, falls from his lips. But that's all. The rest is a silent buzz, as if someone has put a bee in my ear. And then the buzzing stops. Gabe's lips are still again, like he’s waiting for me to say something.I just look at his face and feel the tears burn in my eyes as they threaten to fall. "I almost killed him."
"It's okay; he's fine. He's just a little shaken up, but he's learned his lesson, that's for sure," Gabe admits with a small smile. I look up at him with blank eyes, and a frown replaces his smile.
Tears threaten to fall, I feel the first tear roll down my cheek. Then a second, followed by a third. "I'm just like him, aren't I?" a sob escapes. I'm no longer able to silence the demons and doubts overtaking my mind.
Silence follows my confession. I dare to look up at Gabe. I'm in no state to judge, but if I were, I would say he looks almost confused. Finally, he furrows his brows and asks, "Like who? Keith?"
"No, like him! The monster whose DNA I share!" I yell in frustration and aggressively wipe my tears with the back of my hand. "I need to get help!"
Gabe looks at me, and his mouth flies open in shock before he closes it quickly, looking like I've physically punched him.Why is he so surprised, we both know my father is a monster??
"I'm sorry," he mutters quietly as he looks down at the floor with the saddest eyes I've ever seen. I realize then, how he may have perceived my words.
"I mean, like Dad, he's the only monster in our family, Gabe, '' I confess with a small smile.It's all I can muster, but I hope it's enough to convince him it's the truth.
I see Gabe's face rise in surprise, and then his features seem to settle as he grabs my hands so tightly that it makes me wince.Ouch, my knuckles really hurt."Now you listen to me, Nathaniel, you aren't and won't EVER be anything like that man. He was Satan in slacks. You're an angel of light, love, and goodness." He pauses to compose himself. It almost seems like my words made him angrier than our fight earlier. He sighs, shaking his head. Then he adds, calmer this time, "You may, unfortunately, share some DNA with him, but you share much more DNA with our mother. You have her smile, her laugh, and you see the best in people, just like she did. You went through hell that would have turned most men into monsters, who wanted to see the world burn. Shit, that's what it did to me," Gabe confesses.There's remorse in his voice, and for a second, it reminds me of this small boy who took care of me all those years ago. "But somehow you came through it all a better person. I don't know how, but you did," he adds.
I rest my head on his shoulder and feel him pat my back reassuringly as we embrace in silence.
"Let's go back," I hear Gabe grumble as he finally gets up and walks away. I guess that's the end of our touching, heartfelt moment.
We drive on, but this time at least we have music to bridge the awkward silence. I listen as the words of Evanescence'sWake Me Upfill the car. I can see Gabe mouthing along to some of the lyrics, but no sound comes out. I sit, replaying the night in my head, trying to understand how I could lose it like that.
"Hey Gabe, why did Keith call you Bella's brother?" I ask, remembering what Keith said earlier. As far as I know, he and Gabe have never even met. I've only seen him a few times and barely spoken to him, and I don't think Bella has either. So where did he come up with this strange assumption?
"I may have told him I was her brother when I punched him in the face after the party," Gabe admits casually, not even bothering to look at me or offer any further explanation.
"But why?"
"Well, he was trying to make out I was jealous, insinuating he was going to fuck her just to spite me, assuming the reason I was reacting was because I was trying to, which is complete bullshit." he pauses, shaking his head as if he can't believe it actually happened. "So I said she was my sister. And that if he wanted to get to her, he had to go through me."
I look at him dumbfounded. "So, you say you hate her, but you told him she's your sister?"
"I do hate her, but that doesn't mean I want to see her get hurt and abused by some random guys. I may be a dick, but I'm not a complete psychopath," Gabe admits with a huff.
"So, does that mean you're warming up to her?" I ask, testing to see if there might be a chance of a happy ending for us after all.
"NO," he growls next to me. I decide not to push any further. Tonight has been crazy enough without me trying to force Gabe to admit that maybe he's human after all.
***
GABE
I drive us home, and as we walk through the door, Nate says he wants to go to bed. I don't blame him; tonight was a lot. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if I wasn't there tonight. Nate could have killed that kid. The image of him standing there, broken and shocked, plays on repeat in my head. Grabbing a beer and some weed from my drawer and heading outside, I sit down, hoping to relax. Pulling out my phone, I see a message from a number I don't recognize.
Unknown number:Gabe, I'm so, so sorry for being so awful and for shouting at you. I can't thank you enough for what you did for all of us that night.
I realize immediately that this must be Izzy. She's one of the few people who, one, would ever think they had to apologize to ME, and two, would text me this late at night for something besides a booty call.
Gabe:Okay
