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True to his word, the driver gets me there in record time, clearly sensing my desperation.
"Here, keep the change," I say, leaping out of the car and throwing $30 at the driver. I hurry down the driveway and straight up to his door. Not even bothering to knock, I turn the handle and walk straight in. "It's just me, Izzy," I shout, just in case.
I make my way towards the bedrooms. The first door I reach turns out to be the bathroom, so I continue looking, realizing now I have no idea which room belongs to him and which belongs to Gabe. Outside the second battered door, I stop briefly.Please be the right door.I poke my head inside and instantly realize I have, in fact, chosen the right room.
If I didn't know better, I would assume that his bedroom had been hit by a tornado. The floor is littered with broken ornaments and pictures. His desk is cleared as if someone has swiped everything off onto the floor. Even the little blue chair is lying on its side. The full-length mirror in his wardrobe is smashed, and there are blood stains in the middle of it.
"What the fu—" Nate begins, before seeing my face and stopping.
Nate’s laying in his bed, curled up in a ball, looking broken.
Hurrying over to him, I climb onto him, hugging him tightly.
"What are you doing here?" I hear him say, but his words are muffled against me.
"You sounded as if you needed me," I say, finally moving back slightly to allow the poor man to breathe.
"I told you, you deserve better, Bella," Nate says, as his eyes begin to fill with water.
"There is no one better than you, not for me," I confess, reaching for his hand. It's then that I realize it's covered in dry blood and bandaged in a striped shirt. He must have punched the mirror in anger. I move off the bed and instead lift the quilt up. Nate moves back, allowing me space to climb in beside him.
As soon as I sit down, Nate lays his head against my legs and begins sobbing. He sobs like someone truly in pain. All I can do is stroke his hair and try to tell him it will be okay. I still have no idea what has happened to turn my big, strong protector into this broken boy in front of me. But whatever it is, I plan to help him through it.
The sobbing finally begins to ease up, but I don't push him, instead patiently waiting until he’s ready to talk.
"I fucked up, Bella, like really fucked up," he admits, finally turning to look up at me.
"Why? What happened? Tell me everything, baby," I coax, still running his beautiful hair through my fingertips.
"You’ll hate me; you'll be terrified of me—" he begins, but I interrupt.
"I won't hate you, and I definitely could never be terrified of you, Nate, just tell me," I beg again.
"Okay, so it started last night…'' Nate begins, before explaining everything that's happened since I saw him. How Gabe told him about Keith, the boy from the party. How he and Gabe had gone to teach him a lesson and how it had gotten completely out of hand.
At first, his confession comes as a shock. Part of me can't believe that the Nathaniel I know is capable of this sort of brutality. For a second, I almost retreat, scared of what this could mean for our future. As he continues, it's clear to see that the man he's describing is nothing like the man I know. Nothing like the kind and gentle soul I've always seen.
"The worst part is I just couldn't stop. At that moment, I didn't even want to. I just kept hitting him, again and again. It's as if a red mist came over me, and I wasn't even in control of my actions or emotions anymore. What if I'm a monster like my dad, Bella? What if I grow up to be like him? Terrorize and bully my family like he did? What if it's genetic? What if I'm destined to be a monster? A thug? Just like my old man was?" Nate sobs, clearly in a spiral.
It's clear from Nate's devastation that the man he's describing is not who he wants to be. I know for some this may be a huge red flag, knowing the darkness he buries inside. But everyone is flawed and broken in their own way. I've been there. I've been in situations where your emotions take over and you can't control yourself. And I don't want Nate to have to face that alone, like I did.
"Do you hate me?" he asks, and I can hear the uncertainty in his voice. So instead of answering, I lean down and kiss him.
"I could never hate you," I admit once I break the kiss. "But I do think you need to talk to someone, a professional. Maybe you need some medication or further counseling to deal with your emotions," I admit.
"I already see a counselor; you know that."
"I know baby, but perhaps you need some more help. Maybe meds would help you," I suggest.
"I don't want to be medicated. That's for crazy people, isn't it?Despite the temptation to unleash my frustration on him from his ignorant viewpoint. I remained silent, fully aware that his words reflect his own insecurities.
"Iwant to tell you something," I say, taking a big breath. "Apart from my parents, I've never spoken to anyone else about this before. Not even my grandparents. But I want to tell you…" I force myself to continue.
"So you already know about the abuse I suffered at the hands of my dad's business partner's son…'' I feel Nate stiffen beside me and almost don't continue, but I know if I don't finally tell someone everything, it will just eat away at me.
"Well, what I haven't told you is what happened after. My dad tried to split up the business, but as his partner was the main face and my dad was the brains, most of the investors sided with the other guy.
My mom and dad were having problems. And they ended up having to relocate." I can see the way Nate is looking at me, waiting for me to continue, so taking a deep breath, I carry on.
