AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“How long before you met me?”
“Ava, does it matter?”
“Yes.”
“It wasn’t regular,” I spit out, my panic now doing the talking for me, my head scrambled, not giving me any clue how to handle this. I feel cornered.
“That didn’t answer my question.”
“Is anything I tell you going to change the way you feel about me?”
I feel her stiffen against me. God damn it, I’m making this worse. But I’m not prepared for this. “No,” she finally says, quiet and unsure. Suspicious.
“So can we drop it? It’s in my past with a whole heap of other stuff, and I would rather leave it there.” I’m unwittingly throwing more scraps. More for her to latch on to. “There is only you,” I affirm. “End of.” I drop my mouth into her hair, silently begging her to ease off.Change the subject fast. “When are we moving the rest of your stuff in?”
“I’m here,” she says dryly. “I’ve got to pick up the rest of my stuff from Matt.”
Her ex,Matt? “No, you fucking won’t. I’ll send John.” Jesus Christ. Does he still have his eye on Ava? “I told you, you won’t see him again.” She doesn’t argue, instead falling quiet, and for the first time since we got in the bath to relax, I actually relax, now all interrogations and talk of exes is done.
“Tell me where you went when you disappeared on me.”
Oh my God. Is this punishment for raiding her meeting? “No.” I rest my head back and return to silently praying for some mercy as she turns over, facing me.
“The last time you held back on me,” she says quietly. “I left you.”
The pain is instant. The reminder. The haze of nothingness. Is she threatening me? Her presence in exchange for information? I swallow, fighting to keep my expression soft. “I locked myself in my office.”
“For four days?” she asks.
I look away. “Yes, for four days, Ava.”
“Look at me.” Her voice is loaded with grit, almost angry, and my eyes turn to hers, shocked.
“Excuse me?”
“What were you doing in your office?”
“Drinking.”For fuck’s sake.“That’s what I was doing. I was trying to drown out thoughts and images of you with vodka. Are you happy now?” I can’t bear this anymore, anxiety rising, and with a lack of Ava to ease it, I can think of only one other way. Drink.Fuck. I need to run. Get some air. Breathe. I feel suffocated, and that’s not the fucking point of being with this woman.
All my fault.
I take the sides of the tub and push myself up, and water starts splashing when Ava puts up some resistance, fighting to push me back down. I could flick her off me. Get out. Escape.
And then what?
Feeling beaten and so fucking angry with myself, I let her win and rest back in the tub, helping her slide up my body, her face close, her dark eyes scanning mine. “I’m sorry,” I say quietly. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
“Please, don’t be.” She kisses me, and I feel like a bastard accepting it.
“When I saw those bruises on your arms, I realized I was in deep, Ava,” I try to explain. “Way too deep.”
“Shhhh.” She crowds me, holding my face, comforting me. “Enough, now.”
I hide my face in her chest, ashamed. “It won’t happen again,” I vow against her wet skin, my eyes clenched shut. “I’ll kill myself before hurting you again.”
“I said enough, Jesse.”
“I love you.”
