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“Explain what’s uncomfortable. I’ll make it uncomfortable for him to piss for his remaining lifetime if I don’t like it.”
Pressing the heel of my palm against my forehead, I regret saying a word. Nerves be damned, it was going well before this. We were laughing, he was enjoying my attentiveness. The last thing I want to do with our shrinking time together is talk about my shitty past relationship and my shitty ex-husband.
“It’s not anything serious. I’d rather not talk about it,” I say.
“Because you’re protecting his life?”
“Because it’s embarrassing! I’m not proud of how I let myself down when I was trying to salvage my marriage.” I haven’t dropped my hand. I don’t want to look at him in all his masculine perfection as I try to explain this. “It was my own choice to let sex become a chore, because it felt like if I couldn’t keep him happy in bed, then I couldn’t keep him at all. Everything else had already fallen apart, so I didn’t say what I did or didn’t want. I just did… whatever I thought would stave off another fight. So the answer is yes. I thought that if I didn’t push past my nerves and have sex with you tonight, you would be upset. And I didn’t want that, so I would’ve—”
Kalla presses his hand over my lips, getting on his knees before me so that we’re nearly face-to-face.
“Don’t even say it. Because it’s not happening.”
When he removes his hand, I take a breath, hating how the light atmosphere in the room has shifted.
“Now I’ve ruined the mood, and I wanted this so badly. When you were kissing me, you have no idea how much I wanted us to have the most perfect romantic night.”
He stares me down with that thunderous expression and then suddenly I’m wrapped in his arms. He soaks my clothes, having never bothered to dry off. I can feel him shaking.
“You’ve ruinednothing,” he rasps, the fury in him palpable. “You couldn’t ruin anything between us, not in bed, not in life, not in an argument. How can I make you understand that there is nothing that you could do or say to change the way I covet you?”
I bask in the press of his body, spreading my fingers over his back, enjoying the clean scent of him.
“Listen to me well. You will tell me when you don’t want something. You will never suffer through a sexual act unless both of us agree upon a very sweet sort of suffering—not unless you’re suffering from an abundance of pleasure that makes your legs quake. I don’t care for those erotic games where secret passwords are required, so it’ll be very easy to make yourself clear. Slap me in the face for all I care, well, perhaps not, I might like it too much.”
I snicker against his skin. “Kalla, I’ve never wanted a man quite like I want you. I also promised myself I wouldn’t let that happen again. I’m sorry it scared you, but it’s in the past.”
He pulls me away so he can look over my face for the truth of the matter. “Good. We’ll leave it there, then. So long as you understand that you will never disappoint me.Never.”
“You notice everything,” I say, wanting to comfort him. It’s strange to think that way when it happened to me, but the situation is years behind me. It hurts, but I’ve hashed it out with friends, therapists, and bottles of wine. It’s new to him and it seems to have wounded him to know it. “I couldn’t hide the pain of a paper cut from you if I tried.”
“Yes, and I’ll shred that paper up and eat it too.”
We share a laugh and the light feeling returns as quickly as it faded.
“Can we forget about talking for a while?” I ask him.
“There’s nothing I’d love more,” he says, black eyes glimmering with the heat of the mating bond, “than to busy my tongue with your body for intervals.”
CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO
KALLA
I leanon instinct to curb the murderous thoughts as I lay my mate down on the bed. The roar of my rushing hormones helps mask the anger I felt on Kaye’s behalf. To think that pleasure between mates could turn into a burden…
Words are not enough to make her understand that what she went through will never happen again, not while I’m breathing.
What I need to do is show her. I’m often not the best with my words, because I can be aggressive. She has her hesitations about the difference in our size, and I shouldn’t have assumed she knew that I would never expect anything of her that she didn’t want. I’ll simply prove to her that I don’t need my cock to satisfy her.
I’ve made her damp in my haste for the bed, but Kaye doesn’t seem to mind. With a shy smile, she starts to remove the wet clothing, shimmying her hips to pull the skirt up. Her long pale legs are revealed, and before she’s even got the dress over her head, I bend to press my face between her thighs.
“Kalla!” she squeaks in surprise, squirming her legs as I kiss the warm inner side of her thigh. I glance up and the dress is gone.
She wears a fitted one piece, what looks like a swimsuit for a beach. The straps are so thin, I’m not sure how her ample chest is contained by it. I stare at her, no doubt looking like I’ve lost all my senses. It’s not as if I didn’t know how well-curved her body was. I’ve seen her in form-fitting clothes, but it isn’t the same as this. Her cleavage nearly spills out of the undergarment. Her nipples stand hard against the thin fabric.
“This is the only underwear I have right now, so don’t rip it off,” she tells me.
I chuckle, knowing I’m liable to do just that.
