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“Kalla,” Mak sighs, shifting to the edge of his chair. “I think it’s time you took a break from the heat of battle.”
A wave of fury sweeps over me. “Is that a joke?”
“Every time I see you, you slip further into this… this... darkness.”
I dart a glare at Niko, who doesn’t say anything.
“It has always been this way. You’ve just forgotten because I’ve been so busy.” He and Niko have always been the ones attending every party, cracking jokes, somehow able to ignore the suffering in a way I couldn’t. I’m not sure what sets us apart, seeing as they’ve lost as much or more than I have in their lives. We were always bound together by this understanding of loss and loneliness. How did it come to be that I’m the only one feeling this way?
“No, it hasn’t,” Mak argues. “We made the plans for this together, and it was always built on our hopes to retake the planet and keep the heir thriving and safe.”
“That is what we’re doing. And we’re so close— This is the worst time to suggest a break! The fleet is departing in days.”
“There’s something else I’d like you to do, and it will help us succeed while giving you some time away from—”
“All the murder?” Niko supplies for him.
“We’re warriors. Death is part of that. The two of you speak like males that don’t get bloody on a regular basis yourselves.”
“I never told you to wipe that station,” Mak reiterates our earlier argument. “You did it because you were bloodthirsty. That’s not what this war is about.”
“It rutting is, and you’re in denial if you disagree,” I snap. “Neither of you can look me in the eye and say you aren’t yearning for revenge.”
“Of course we are,” Niko says, throwing his hands out. “But you’re letting this bloodlust control your life. Don’t blame Mak alone, because I told him I barely recognize you.”
“The feeling is mutual,” I reply. “I think you broke your nose a couple more times since I last saw you. What would you have me do? Hide myself away on some irrelevant thieving ship and pretend it all away?”
My comments would sting a more sensitive male, but Niko just laughs.
“We all have our ways of coping,” he says. “I’m sorry I stayed away. Maybe if I was here, I would’ve noticed you were struggling sooner.”
“I’m not—” I’m ready to argue.
“If I explicitly told you not to clear the station, would you have listened?” Mak asks.
I hesitate, fumbling for words at the sight of them ganging up on me. My two most trusted friends, staring me down, united in their concern.
“I don’t know.” An honest answer.
“You’ve been seeking out contracts when I have no work for you. You make your own lists of targets without discussing them with me. You never take a break and come home.”
I didn’t realize that Mak was keeping such a close eye on my movements and decisions. How long has he been harboring these concerns? I don’t know whether to feel angry at him for being in my business or guilty for occupying the thoughts of a male with far too many problems of his own.
“Avoiding theHeiris to protect my identity, and the identity of innocents who know me.”
“You know how to navigate unseen,” Mak argues. “You could spend your time here at the palace if you didn’t want others to see you. When did you last visit Lalo? You’re as bad as Niko.”
“Hey! I’m not the subject right now!” Niko protests.
“Think about who you’re speaking to you,” Mak continues. “More than anyone, I know what it’s like to live with the paranoia of being a target for these hired killers that will hunt you down for the right price. You’re taking it to another level, not allowing yourself to live a normal life. And I was willing to respect that choice because it was yours. But now I see it’s having an effect on you. All you do is think about the next kill.”
His seriousness almost frightens me. He has thought about this often.
“I’ve recruited a talented hacker who will be heading toward Alliance territory while we run the mission to reengage the planetary defense on Kar’Kal,” he continues. “I’d like you to join them, not only because you have contacts they can use but also because they will be lacking on the muscle. I’ve also assigned Viro and Ruka to help them should there be a need and—”
“An intel crew? And what am I to do? Sit around and sharpen my knife?”
“You willcollect intel,”Mak growls, putting on his kingly demanding voice. “If you don’t accept, they’ll be fine without you. And if that is the case, you can do as you wish, but you won’t be with the fleet.”
