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Shock colors his features.
“I failed you. I’m sorry. I should’ve protected you, dragged you away from that rutting place by the scruff of your neck.” My voice becomes hoarse from the way these words feel like vomit. “You’re not dead to me. Because I know now how it felt when I thought you had died. It felt like I could never forgive myself for letting that happen to you. That was my job, to be your Koko. And I fail—”
“Stop.” Vala grips my arm. “You should not blame yourself. We were both young. Neither of us should keep this blame anymore. Do you think I do not imagine what my life would have been if I followed you? It took passings for me to see the truth, to realize the way my mind was warped. They made me hate you, my own brother. Do you know how ashamed I was that I was stupid enough to be so deluded?”
“Not stupid,” I mutter. “Just a kid.”
“Let us forgive each other,” he says, raking a hand through his hair. “Let us move on. My mate has helped me move on in many ways. This must be healed between us.”
I stare at him, realizing that my little brother is perhaps more mature than I’ve ever been in this life.
“There was nothing to forgive,” I say. “But yes, I’ll forgive you anyway.”
Then, we’re embracing. It happened naturally, both of us needing it. I thump his back, as breaths of frustration release, breaths I’ve held for passings straight. I keep a hand on his shoulder as we part again. He looks over at the window and lets out a chuckle.
“Your female is crying.”
I follow his gaze and sure enough, Kaye is pretending not to watch us even as she dabs at her face with a sleeve. She can’t even hear the conversation, and she’s getting emotional.
“Kaye would cry if I had a pebble in my shoe bothering me,” I say with a sigh. “It amazes me that she can have so much sympathy for a rutting killer like me.”
“She is sweet,” he agrees. “She reminds me of Lala, you know.”
My eyes widen. I wonder how much he remembers.
“You think so?”
“She hated it when we fought. She said it hurt her heart if we were not speaking. I think she would have cried often if she were a human,” he muses with a small smile.
I laugh. “Yes, you’re right. What is your mate like?”
“A handful,” he murmurs. “My Quinn is wild, outgoing, and brave.”
“I’d like to meet her,” I say.
“You will,” he replies. “I am not sure when a good time will come for all of us to get together, but we will.”
I release him, knowing he likely yearns to get back to her. I, too, yearn for my mate. We’ve said what needed to be said. There will be more time to talk in the future.
“Tell Quinn I’m sorry for beating you up,” I joke, as I turn to investigate the damage dealt to his speeder. It’ll get him home alright, but it’ll need some repairs. “What have you been up to, anyways?”
I climb over the side of the balcony and hop across to my own speeder so that I can get it out of his way.
“I pilot for my team when I am called upon,” he says. “But otherwise, I do the bidding of my friend Mori. You know of him? The engineer that managed the planetary defense re-engagement. He is the same one that fixed Kaye’s issue with the bounty hunters.”
“You do his bidding, eh?” I grin. “Like what?”
“All manner of things. He is a brilliant male who irritates all those around him. So he needs one such as me, who he cannot get away with bullying. I simply ignore his ridiculous behavior unless it gets out of hand, and for some reason, he likes me more than most people.”
“I didn’t realize that your kind had such close relationships.” The way he talks about it reminds me of Niko and Mak.
“Things have changed,” he says, revving up his speeder. “It happened while we were not even noticing it.”
“You and I will have to help close the gap between our kind when the time comes to re-inhabit Kar’Kal,” I say, realizing how our unique connection across Deviant and Deadhead barriers might be useful in the future.
“That is quite a goal,” Vala says as he drops the visor on his helmet. “Take care of yourself in the meantime.”
“You too,kiki.”
