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He swallowed thickly before continuing.
“My first thought upon seeing you was that you’d stolen the very breath from my lungs. I could barely speak to you, I was so nervous.”
“That’s part of what I liked about you,” Evie admitted with a small laugh, looking up to meet his gaze. “Most guys back on Earth aren’t ever shy around me, and I thought it was refreshing. Nice.”
Cazar’s heart clenched in his chest. “That right there is why I’ve been hesitant to be near you. Why I’ve been so scared for you to see this new side of me. I’m different than I was before, Evie. And I’m afraid that seeing me as I am now will make you realize that you don’t prefer me any longer.”
Evie’s head snapped back in shock. “You think that?”
Cazar took her hands in his, relishing the simple touch.
“You’re perfect, and beautiful, and males have been eager to court you since you arrived on Aragnok. I might be foolish, but I’m not blind. But I’ve been altered by something dark that festers inside of me. Something jealous andalien. Abnormal. Sometimes I feel like myself, but at other times... The things I want from you are so raw, so possessive, I’m afraid that if I let you near, I’ll hurt you.”
“You won’t,” she said confidently, and he was really starting to believe her conviction. More of the barriers he’d kept erected around himself fell away, crumbling to dust as if they’d never been.
“What if I remain like this, Evie? How can you be with me, knowing I might snap one day and hurt someone else because I’m jealous of another getting too close to you? I wanted to come to the Lorshna system and rid myself of this creature so that I might return to you whole, as I was before. So that you would still want me.”
Evie pulled her hands from his, cupping his face tenderly. A sweet emotion shined in her eyes, and Cazar knew he’d do anything for her to look at him like that forever.
“I told you before that I still choose you, Cazar, and I meant it. I don’t care that you might be a little different now. I just wantyou, however you are. Whether that’s with Joe–”
His brow furrowed. “Who is Joe?”
“–or without him.I don’t care. I know you hate that this is your new normal, and hopefully we can find the answers you’re looking for on this planet. But have you thought about what your life will look like if you can’t have it removed?”
His mouth snapped shut. Evie had no idea about his hesitant plans to remain on Lorshna if he couldn’t find a solution to his problem. But how could he go through with that plan now? He’d barely had the fortitude to leave her behind on this journey, and now that she was here? She’d try to talk him out of staying, he knew she would. Would he be able to resist her if she begged him to come home?
No, he wouldn’t.
And stars above, Cazar refused to put Evie into a situation like that, where she feared that he’d abandon her to stay on a remote planet permanently. Knowing his mate, she’d inform him that they werebothstaying if he refused to return home, and he couldn’t do that to her either. He wanted her to have the best out of life; she deserved nothing less.
He’d find a way to remove the parasite, and if he couldn’t… Well, he’d focus on that later.
“No,” he answered quietly.
Her eyes softened. “That’s okay, we can figure that out together once we have more information. Just let me face this with you. I want to be with you every step of the way. I’m your mate, and this is supposed to be a partnership. Something that we get through together. I want that with you, all of it, no matter what.”
Her words took the heaviness that had been weighing him down for so long and flung it far away, allowing Cazar to truly breathe for the first time in what felt like ages.
Cazar shook his head. “I’m sorry for keeping all of this from you. I genuinely thought I was protecting you, Evie. That I was doing right by you and the rest of my family.”
“We’ve all been worried about you, and sinking inside yourself instead of dealing with your problems doesn’t just hurt us. It hurts you most of all, Cazar. I hate the thought of you being miserable.”
“I’m never miserable when I’m with you,” he admitted. “Oftentimes horribly aroused and very possessive, but your presence soothes me.Allof me.”
“Good,” Evie said resolutely. “That means you can’t separate from me ever again, and it’s clear that I need to be setting the rules in this relationship since you’re a novice.”
Cazar leaned in until his head was resting on her shoulder. He banded his arms around her waist, holding her to him. She shifted on the bed, stiffening in his hold as something rattled in her hand.
“Um, Cazar? Why are there chains on your bed?”
Chapter 11
Cazar’sfaceflushedadeep shade of gray, so pronounced that his cheeks were almost black before he broke eye contact.
Evie held onto the thick chain she’d just found, pulling on the cold metal until it was taut in her hand. There was plenty of slack with the chain, but that wasn’t what had caught her attention.
The end of it was attached to one side of his headboard, and there was an additional one on the opposite side. All sorts of very naughty ideas formed in her mind before she could stop herself, each more devious than the next.
