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Kelly
I sit here and look out the window. It’s been raining the entire two weeks I have been back in Tennessee. I miss my house, I miss my life, and I miss Trask.
I couldn’t sleep the first four days after I left Comfort. I had become so accustomed to lying on Trask’s chest and listening to his heartbeat that I couldn’t get to sleep without it.
The first night I did get some sleep, I woke up from a nightmare with the look in Trask’s eyes when he found out I wasn’t the woman I had been pretending to be. The thing is, I am that woman. I became that woman. I don’t know when it happened, but it happened.
Can my past take that all away? I had little control over my past. I was just surviving. It’s not like I made a choice of stealing wallets. Damn, what am I thinking? I did make a choice but not with a clear head. By the time I knew what I was doing was wrong, I was addicted to my next high. Now I sound like Ginny trying to rationalize my mistakes. No, what I did was wrong. Maybe I don’t deserve happiness. These thoughts have been plaguing me since I have been in this hotel room. I just want it to stop. All of it.
The court date is set. I have one more day to wait. The biggest news to break though is I still won’t be able to go back to my normal life. Not normal but I can’t go back to being the only me that was ever real. The FBI have found out that there are still people out there that want me dead. I don’t even know who they are. I don’t know their names or their faces. All I know is they are connected to the human trafficking case that I am testifying in. Special Agent Kace said I can go back to Comfort and take up where I left off but why would I do that? So everyone can hate me? No thank you.
Special Agent Torres said the leak there had been contained but he would still prefer that I relocate somewhere else. At this point, what’s the use? If I don’t have Trask in my life, I just don’t see the point. He was my one chance at true love and my past ruined it all. I have no one to blame but myself.
I know that I will testify and put the scum away that has stolen so many innocent people’s lives from them. I will do whatever it takes to see this through. I still want to make my sister proud of me even if she can’t know it. I know she would be proud of me.
I still don’t know how Sage and his cousin found me. The Mayson family has a long reach. The thing is, I don’t blame Sage for hunting me down for whatever reason he had. It proves he is worthy of my sister. He loves her and I want that kind of loyalty from a man. I had it. It was within my grasp and I let it slip through my fingers. I should have told Trask the truth. I should have taken the chance. Regrets leave a bitter taste in your mouth and I have a lot of them. There’s a tap on my door that brings me out of my thoughts.
I look at the clock. It’s not time for dinner. Either Special Agent Torres or Kace bring me my three meals every day. I haven’t been out of this room since I arrived. I walk to the door and look out the peephole. I open the door slowly and step back. I watch the three men enter the room.
“I believe that you all know each other,” Special Agent Kace says. I look at Sage and his cousin. They walk through the door and I shut it. “Sage and Jax Mayson would like to have a conversation with you, Kelly. Are you alright with that?”
“I don’t know what else we have to discuss but it’s fine,” I answer. I go and sit on my bed. Sage and Jax sit in the only two chairs at the table by the window.
“I’ll bring your dinner when I come back. I’ll give the three of you about an hour. Lock up after I leave.” I know the drill by now. Special Agent Kace leaves the room and I go to the door and lock it. I go back to the bed and sit down.
“What can I do for you today?” I know I am acting like a bitch but these two blew up my happiness even if it was my own fault.
“Drop the attitude, Kelly. We just want to talk to you, and you might like what we have to say,” Jax tells me. There’s nothing these two could tell me that I want to hear but I am curious. I look at Sage.
“How is Kim? Did she get another kidney?” Sage glowers at me.
“Do you care? You ran out on her when she needed you,” Sage tells me and I know what he is saying is true.
“Did you not see what those men tried to do to me? I thought I could handle the situation, but I was wrong. I was too gone on drugs to see that. I was mad at the world and I hurt the only person before Trask that I cared about. I’m sorry. I thought I was protecting Kim from me and my screwed-up life. I have no excuse. There’s no excuse in the world for it but I’m trying not to be that person anymore. I’m trying to have a life that Kim would be proud of.” Sage laughs.
“Do you think because you say you’re sorry that all is forgiven? My woman could have died because of your drama.” I deserve all his hate.
“I’m trying to do what’s right. I have been off drugs for over a year. I’m trying to live right. I don’t deserve any forgiveness so I’m not asking for it. I can only do my best every day to be a better person. Every day I ask what would Kim do? I try to do that exact thing. I can’t erase my past, but I can do better. That’s why I am determined to testify. I tried to help the girl they had kidnapped.” I still don’t know what happened to her, but the agents told me she was alive.
“That girl was my sister, Ashlyn, and she is good now. She got away. She thought you were Kim, and she thought she was dead.” I shake my head. “Ashlyn knew Kim from before,” Jax explains. “We appreciate what you did.”
“I do care about Kim. How is she?” I plead.
“Kim is doing alright, but she has tortured herself about saying she hated you.” I smile.
“I knew better. Kim doesn’t have it in herself to hate anyone. I was trying to start a fight with Kim that day so she wouldn’t follow me. You know that you can never tell Kim that I am alive, right?” Sage looks at his feet and then back to me.
“Kace told me. I don’t like lying to Kim and this is something else that makes me not like this whole situation.” I see he is conflicted. “I also know it’s for her own good and that is the only reason I am agreeing to it. I protect what is mine.”
“All that matters is that you keep her safe. If the time ever comes and Kim needs a kidney, then contact Special Agent Torres or Kace and set up a way I can do it anonymously. I swear I will do it. No questions asked,” I tell Sage and I mean it.
“You’ve said that before,” Jax reminds us.
“I did, but I was a different woman back then. I have changed. Whether you want to believe that or not is up to you, but I will stand by my word.” I will do anything Kim needs me to. I want to ask if they know anything about Trask, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m afraid that Trask hates me.
“Aren’t you going to ask us about your boyfriend?” Sage asks me. I look at him.
“Trask deserves a chance at real happiness with a good woman and we all know that isn’t me.” I’m not pitying myself. It’s how I feel.
