AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I finished the last bite then got up to draw the curtains. It was still raining. The garden looked gloomy. I shut the curtains against the miserable view and switched on the bedside lamp.
As I sat back on the tub chair John stirred.
My throat tightened with fear. This could be the moment of truth. The moment when everything changed. What if he didn’t even remember who I was? What if Celeste’s memory-walking had somehow removed all traces of John and all that was left was Blaise? What would I do then?
His eyes flickered open a couple of times before his gaze fixed on the ceiling. He stared at it for a long moment, a frown on his forehead as if he couldn’t quite make out where he was.
Then, slowly, he turned his head to face me.
My heart thudded and my mouth was dry with fear. Already I could see that he looked different. It was hard to make sense of what I was seeing, but there was something new about this face. How could the exact same features look so different?
I considered running out of this room and getting as far away from him as I possibly could. I probably would have done, to be honest, but sadly for me I seemed to be rooted to the spot.
‘Romy?’
Relief flooded through me. That was Johnnie’s voice. And he knew who I was.
I leaned forward and tentatively laid my hand on his arm. He stared down at it for a moment and I wondered if he was going to reject me after all. Then his hand settled on top of mine and his fingers entwined with my fingers and my heart lifted.
‘You’re still here,’ he said, a note of incredulity in his voice. ‘I thought…’
‘That I’d leave you?’ I asked. ‘I thought you’d leave me, now you’ve remembered who you are.’
He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again they were full of the compassionate uncertainty that was so characteristic of the man I loved. It broke my heart to see they were shimmering with tears.
‘Blaise St Clair,’ he said quietly. ‘It was all true, Romy. I saw him. I know who I am. I know what I did.’
‘I know.’ I couldn’t bear to see the pain in his eyes. ‘Celeste told me your memory would probably have returned when you woke up. I’m so sorry.’
He sat up and ran a hand through his black hair. ‘No wonder she was so scared of me. Do you know everything? I mean about what I did back then.’
I nodded bleakly.
‘It’s all back now,’ he said brokenly. ‘All that pain. All that grief for Bevil and my parents. All the guilt over Celeste and Jennet. You know I nearly killed Hector? I would have killed Benedict if Star hadn’t made a witch bottle to protect him.’
‘That was in the past,’ I said gently. ‘You’ve been a different man these past few years. I love you.’
‘You love a monster,’ he told me. ‘Don’t you understand? He’s back, Romy. I’m back. It’s like the clouds have rolled away and taken John Ford with them, and here I am again. Blaise St Clair. The man who practised forbidden magic behind his brother’s back, who coaxed his brother’s fiancée to do the same, who—’ He broke off with a strangled sob.
‘Shh,’ I soothed. ‘Don’t talk about all that now.’
‘I tried to murder Mary Clipson!’ The anguish in his voice was heartbreaking. ‘That’s who I am, Romy. You deserve so much more than that.’
‘And that’s why I know you’re not the same person any longer,’ I cried. ‘Don’t you see? These years of living as John Ford have changed you. You carry all this guilt, shame and pain, whereas the old Blaise didn’t feel those things. He was only interested in power. You’ve spent all this time doing good for people! You’ve made a life for yourself helping others. Those experiences have shaped you. You’re not the man you used to be. You’re so much better than that.’
He shook his head, clearly dazed. ‘How can you have so much faith in me after what I did?’
‘Because I love you,’ I told him fiercely. ‘Because I know you. The real you. I can see it in your face and hear it in your voice. When you woke up there was a moment… I thought maybe John had gone forever. But it passed. He’s still there inside you. He’s part of who you are now. We can still be together. It will be a different life to the one we had before, because I’m not the same person any more than you are. But different doesn’t necessarily mean worse, does it? Whatever happens,’ I added, squeezing his hand tightly, ‘we’re together, and it’s going to stay that way. If…’ I broke off as the thought occurred to me. ‘I mean, if you still want me.’
‘Want you? Oh, Romy.’ He covered his face with his hands, and I realised he was crying. This was no act. Blaise might be back, but the years of living as John had changed him. He was still the man I loved. I hadn’t lost him after all.
Chapter 24
Trinity
It was a relief when all the funeral guests left, leaving only family members behind. And by family, naturally I included Emrick in that, because frankly he was kind of like the lynchpin of us all. I couldn’t figure out how that had happened, but Sirius told me he’d been Meri’s rock, and Hector sure seemed to look up to him, so that was good enough for me.
The wake had been tense and uneasy. Titania Ambrose hadn’t showed, which was kind of a relief if I’m honest. She must have taken Easton back home with her, though Elvira stayed a while. There was some anxiety that Marco Golightly and some of the other witches had gone back to Titania’s with her to discuss what had happened. It was obvious that the High Council was worried they were thinking about forming some kind of vigilante group. I noticed Lowen head off with Hector and Emrick, and figured they were worried about the same thing.
