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“No! I saw them! They were laughing at me. I saw them through my window!” She draws the curtains shut and curls back up into her chair.
I feel deflated. I was hoping today was one of her good days. I have missed her and wanted to have her to myself for a few hours, but today, I share her with her delusions.
“I’m here now.”
“Don’t go out there, Savvy! They’re going to get you like they got me!”
“I promise they won’t.”
I spent a large chunk of my childhood trying to convince her that her delusions were just that – a delusion. But the more I pushed back, the further she slipped away.
I try to have a normal conversation with her, but she won’t stop talking about the three men watching her from the garden. After forty minutes, I give her a kiss and exit her room.
Edith catches me on the way out and gives me a sad smile. “Not a good day, hun?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Maybe next time.”
She rubs my shoulder in a comforting way. “This is normal for patients with schizoaffective disorder. The depressive episodes fuel the delusions. We’ll continue working with her to tackle the depression, so you’ll have your mum back next time you’re here.”
My smile is sad. “Any chance you can cure her forever?”
The middle-aged round woman wraps her arms around me. “If I could cure anyone, it would be your mum, so you weren’t alone. Take care of yourself.”
“See you in a few days.”
The fresh air does little to calm me today. The August sun brings a sweltering heat, with sweat trickling down my back after a few minutes. The London Underground is packed with clammy bodies as everyone is out to celebrate the sunshine. I envy them. I’m spending my afternoon in Xavier’s back garden for Emery’s twenty-ninth birthday party. I would rather watch the paint dry but feel bad after the first embryo transfer failed. The sadness that enveloped her last month when the test came back negative was hard to be around.
My apartment has become a sauna in the time I’ve been gone. I open all the windows only for the humidity to swarm me.
“Fuck you,” I grumble to no one.
I feel frustrated. I’m exhausted. Huxley is a difficult man, to say the least. The man never smiles and feels no human emotions. He is a robot who only knows how to berate and shout. He is yelling about something trivial if he isn’t barking orders at me. He calls me at all times of the day, including the weekend. Only last week, he interrupted my movie night with Mia. I lugged myself to the other side of London all because he needed a folder from the office. I was so close to handing in my notice, but I need the money, and I refuse to let him win.
To add the fucking cherry to the top, my building is being seized, so I must find somewhere to live. It needs to be near public transport, my mum’s care home and the office. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’m half-tempted to ask Xavier if his offer still stands.
I’m calling that my last resort because I know how dangerous that could be. Xavier is nothing like Huxley. Compassion is ninety per cent of who he is. I’ve seen the ruthless CEO at work, but outside of that, he’s gentle. He always has a smile lingering on his lips as if he’s constantly part of a private joke.
But being late snaps that smile straight off his face. I need to start getting ready before I face his wrath.
The music can be heard before I join the party. The yellow-tied halter-neck dress makes me stand out against the other elegantly dressed guests. My cutout bodycon dress stops mid-thigh, exposing my legs, torso, and back.
I spot Francesca and walk over to her, ignoring the eyes watching me. “I look like a whore compared to these people.”
She grins at me. “Ignore them. You look hot.”
“How long do you think I have to stay?”
Her chuckle is low. “At least an hour, but I would appreciate if you would stay until I leave. These parties are so boring.”
The rich people stand around in small groups, talking amongst themselves. There is no dancing or games. They take small sips of champagne between their conversations.How fucking beige.
“I’m going to find Emery to wish her happy birthday. I’ll be back.” I walk away from Francesca to search for Emery.
The garden could pass for a park with its vast size. I find her in a corner with Xavier. Her face is set into annoyance while Xavier has a frown etched onto his. When they spot me, their expressions are replaced by a smile. It makes me feel unsettled.
“Happy birthday!”
Emery wraps her arms around me in a tight squeeze. “Thank you. You look beautiful.”
