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With a sinking heart, I scrolled up a little bit to find Dr. Croft’s email asking Adam if she should accept a spot for the two of them at a conference.
I gave my head a firm shake, as if the action could sweep out the rising tide of anxiety flooding my mind. It didn’t mean anything if he was professionally acquainted with a former crush. And of course, it made sense that he wanted to present a paper he’d worked on. Though he’d never mentioned co-authoring a paper with Dr. Croft.
Then again, there were a lot of things I didn’t know about Adam’s life outside the cruise.
He probably planned to tell me about the conference and just hadn’t found the right moment yet. Feeling guilty for snooping, I scrolled back down the screen to the email draft.
Another thought tiptoed into my mind. Why had Adam asked about the time of Beth’s wedding? A mix of apprehension and guilt made my hands shaky as I opened a new tab on his browser.
A quick search revealed DiseCon was in Seattle the very same weekend. Beth hadn’t planned her wedding at the crack of dawn, so there was no way Adam could fly across the country in time to present a paper and attend as my boyfriend.
I absolutely think you should accept. Maybe he’d just meant Cassie should accept, not the both of them? I shouldn’t read too much into his words.
Adam wasn’t going to cheat on me with Cassie, who was happily dating someone else, but it didn’t feel great to think he’d drop his commitment to attend Beth’s wedding with me the moment she asked. How could I ever feel secure in the relationship knowing I was in second place? Nor was it reassuring that he wouldn’t even tell me about the potential conflict of events.
When he returned from speaking with Grandma, I’d offer him an out. If he mentioned the conference, I’d be supportive. I could manage Mom without Adam.
I wasn’t going to come right out and confront him. If he couldn’t be trusted to share important information with me, there was no way I could trust him. Not after Westin. And besides, the thought of admitting my email snooping made me uncomfortable, even though I hadn’t exactly done it on purpose. There wasn’t an easy way to tell another adult you were reading their email without permission.
A few minutes later, Adam came back with the three giant scrapbooks in which Grandma had painstakingly compiled all his achievements. He stood in the entry to our suite and looked at me for a moment without speaking, face drawn. “She wants me to keep them. Said she’d rather give them to me herself than wait until...” His voice trailed off.
I finished his words mentally. She’d rather give him the scrapbooks than leave them to Adam in her will.
Despite everything worrying me, I got up at once and took the books carefully from his arms. “These are a treasure.” I set them down on the coffee table and turned back to hug him.
Adam wrapped his arms around me. “I can’t—I don’t—”
“It’s okay,” I told him, as much for my sake as his. “You’ll always have this week with her.”
He relaxed slightly in my arms. “I couldn’t have done this cruise without you. I’m not really a people person.”
Possible responses warred in my mind; tell him I adored him, awkward scientist and all? That I’d been privileged to see the multifaceted man inside the preoccupied doctor I’d crushed on for a while? That despite his unexpected, generous offer to move jobs there was one more thing I needed from him to be sure dating was a good idea?
I took a deep breath. “On that note, I know weddings aren’t really your thing, and I understand if you don’t want to come to Beth’s. You won’t know anyone, and I’ll be really busy helping out, so I might not even get to spend that much time with you.”
Adam pulled a little away from me so he could look at my face. “I thought your mom wanted you to bring a date?”
“It’ll be fine.” As long as he told me the truth.
I held my breath waiting for Adam to insist he’d come, or at least tell me about the conference.
“Oh.” Adam released me. “If you’re sure.”
My stomach dropped, but I forced myself to smile. “Of course.”
He didn’t say anything else as he walked back to the couch and resumed going through his email. Maybe presenting at a prestigious conference was more important than what he’d agreed to do for me. Or maybeIwas so unimportant to him that he’d throw aside the one thing I’d asked him to do to have a chance of spending time with Cassidy, the woman he’d really wanted to bring on the cruise.
“Any other plans this summer?” I tried—one final attempt to save our flailing relationship before I called code blue. If he’d only just mention the conference to me, then I’d know he wasn’t deliberately keeping it back.
“Not really.” Adam ran a hand through his hair. “Kind of a boring guy, huh?”
I couldn’t even force myself to reply, instead pretending to rearrange things in my suitcase until it was time to go, my heart breaking a little more with every item I touched. Ellie’s expensive sunblock, which Adam had rubbed on my back. The pink tulle of the dress I’d worn the night we’d kissed for the first time. The floppy hat I’d tossed down on the coffee table so we could kiss unobstructed the next morning. I shoved it into my suitcase, crushing it as thoroughly as my soul.
As we left our suite for the final time, Adam didn’t take my hand, and his smile seemed mechanical. Maybe he was occupied calculating how to win Cassie from Davis? Good freaking luck. Davis was the near twin of a movie star, the person Cassie had chosen to be with after working with Adam for three years.
I, on the other hand, liked Adam after only a few days. More than liked. Loved?
No, it wasn’t possible to love someone after such a short time. Maybe Adam was right all along, and there wasn’t any such thing. I was just the victim of hormones and circumstance.
