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Cassidy’s eyes widened. “July twenty-fifth. Are you okay?”
My heart sank a little. Apparently, I hadn’t somehow portaled back in time, and I wouldn’t have a second chance with Jenna. “Sorry, I’ve just gotten back from vacation and I’m a little out of it.”
“Oh, makes sense why you weren’t in the meeting I just had.” She jerked her chin down the hall, toward the department head’s office. “Dr. Burke asked me to come in to chat about taking a job in ID.”
“What happened to the NIH job?”
“I decided not to go.” She spoke softly, as if delivering bad news. “I realized I want to work with patients, not stay exclusively in a lab.”
“That seems like a good fit.” It was true; Cassidy was thorough, caring, and level-headed. “I’d be delighted to welcome you to the team here.”
“Thanks. I wasn’t sure what path to take, but this feels right. You know, if I can get past the interview with Dr. Donaldson,” she joked.
“Yeah, he’s the worst,” I agreed, not really kidding.
I started to excuse myself, but Cassidy spoke before I could. “Did you see my email?”
“Oh, yes, DiseCon. Great news.” I could hear how flat my voice was, but I couldn’t muster the energy for more enthusiasm. “Let’s do it.” If I wasn’t attending the wedding with Jenna, I might as well assist Cassidy. Even though she was taking a clinical route for the time being, she might still want to publish in future.
“Great!” Cassidy smiled politely, but without any special warmth, I noted. How had I ever mistaken professional rapport for affection?
“Maybe we should meet and go over our presentation?” she suggested.
I nodded in agreement. “I’ll send you some dates that work so we can find a time.”
“Thanks.” She stared at me for a moment. “Well, you look like you could use some rest, so I’ll let you go.”
With a nod, I moved toward the floor exit, feeling a physical pain in my chest while recalling the time I’d nearly walked into Jenna in the same spot on the very day we’d matched on the Connect app.
The sight of the old elevator Jenna and I had ridden together twice made me want to fall on the ground and curl up into a ball, never mind the fact that I’d almost certainly expose myself to the most insidious pathogens tracked out of the hospital.
Though maybe if I became severely dehydrated as a result of an infection, Jenna would care for me in the ICU, gently taking my vitals.
I was the last patient she’d ever want to care for. I was certain she’d be professional no matter our history, but I didn’t want Jenna to be forced to tolerate my presence.
As I left the hospital, the nurse Amy waved vigorously at me from the street, wearing a pink t-shirt and ripped jeans instead of scrubs. “Dr. Donaldson! I heard you were on vacation. Somewhere fun? You look tan.”
I wrinkled my nose at her description. I really would have melanoma to add to my list of problems. I started to answer that I’d been on a cruise and then stopped myself. It was important to Jenna that nobody at the hospital ever linked us together, and I didn’t know if she’d mentioned her vacation destination to any of her coworkers. Keeping the story as quiet as possible seemed the least I could do for her. “Family reunion.”
“Oh, cool! Hey, I’m actually just here to get a water bottle I left this morning, but then I’m free for the night.” She laid a hand on my arm. “Want to get together, maybe watch a movie? Someone told me you live close.”
I stared at her for a second. I was going home to an empty apartment to wallow in self-loathing and loneliness, and at least Amy’s company would provide a distraction. Maybe I hadn’t given her enough of a chance before. There might be a lot of women I could end up happy with. Wasn’t it all a simple matter of hormonal cascades?
Every feeling revolted at the idea of taking Amy back to my apartment when there was only one woman I wanted sitting next to me on my nondescript black couch. “Sorry, I’ve got a lot of work to catch up on. Have a great night.”
“Another time, maybe.” Amy gave my arm a little squeeze before letting go.
I entered my apartment, tossed my keys onto a side table, and flopped onto my couch.
I hadn’t even looked around earlier, just tossed my suitcases and left, but now my eyes settled on something disturbing. The snake plant Jenna had given me (and claimed was indestructible) mocked me from the kitchen counter, brown leaves flopped over the side of the pot.
An internet search revealed that I’d somehow stressed the poor plant to death. The irony wasn’t lost on me.
My inbox had ballooned to 1632 unread items, but my mind couldn’t make sense of the words. I was vaguely hungry, and there was no food in the house, but I lacked the energy to order take out or even walk down to the café at the ground floor of my complex.
Every single thing I normally took satisfaction in suddenly held as much appeal as taking a booze cruise with Frank. Instead, I just sat on the couch, staring at nothing. Decrepit as the ruins Nicole and I had explored only two days before.
Maybe I could find a new match—not a date, but a friend? I opened up the Connect app, only to see the friendship flower, vibrant and alive. The opposite of my heart. Pressing the different parts of the flower let me relive the different levels we’d been through on Connect.
