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That fixes him right up. Edgar stops laughing and eyes me warily. He doesn’t say anything else about the dildo.
“Where’s your wheelchair?”
“In the bathroom. I figured I’d try the same thing as you did.”
“You used the dildo?” Orcus asks, pulling a face.
“Of course, not!”
“Jesus Christ,” I mumble. “Can we forget about that, please? So… you took a bath and held the amulet?” I ask Edgar.
He nods. “I wished that I would find you because you’re not suited for a world like this.”
“Are you calling her weak?” Orcus’ tone all but dares Edgar to try.
The old man studies the ogre then slides his gaze to meet mine. “Got yourself an admirer?”
“If that’s what you call a grumpy butthole who won’t help me find my way home, then yes, I have an admirer.”
“She likes my tusks,” Orcus says with a shrug.
“Well,” Edgar struggles to sit up, so I help him. “They are pretty shiny. In great condition too. Do you oil them?”
“Occasionally.” Orcus extends a hand. “I’ll help you stand.”
“He can’t stand,” I tell him, remembering that he’s probably never seen a wheelchair so he wouldn’t know why I asked Edgar about that. “His legs don’t work like ours. Edgar, are there more amulets somewhere in this world? Are there more people that have traveled to Earth?”
“It’s the first trip that I know of. I asked the warlock who made it to send me somewhere to hide… I guess he hadn’t worked out all the kinks because I certainly didn’t mean to get stuck on that messed up planet for so long. Good thing I had plenty of gold with me, otherwise I would have been living on the streets.” Edgar leans on his hands and glares at his legs. “I hoped to be rehabilitated eventually, but that didn’t work out. Anyway, like I said. Daisy isn’t suited for this world. She’s too sweet.”
Orcus arches an eyebrow but doesn’t say whatever it is he’s thinking. I think I’ve proven Icanbe nice when certain ogres aren’t being unreasonable.
Everything Edgar’s said catches up to me and clicks into place. Warlock. Spell. Gold.You humans never listen.
“Wait. You’re from here?”
Edgar sighs. “And they told me I needed supervision.”
I bristle. “Give a woman a minute, would you? There’s a lot going on.”
“He’s from Folk, the folk territory.”
“Was from Folk before they kicked me out.” He grunts and pushes his way into a better position. It’s a slow process, but he manages. Too bad traveling through whatever wizardry that was didn’t magically change his age. Edgar is still seventy-eight.
“Do I even want to know what you did?”
“Probably not,” Edgar says with a grimace.
“Hold on.” I scrunch my face. “It’s been a week and you just got around to searching for me? What were you doing all those days?”
Edgar frowns. “What are you talking about? I woke up this morning and couldn’t find you. You know the rest of the story.”
“It’s only been a day on Earth?”
The lines on my forehead deepen. How is that even possible? That’s a silly question. Nearly every sci-fi show has some type of time difference. But if only a day has passed on Earth and it’s been a week here…
“You’ve been gone for a long time,” I murmur.
“Yes,” Edgar says solemnly. “I’ve never been good at math, but if there’s a time difference… I’ve lost a lot of years here.”
