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“The two of you were the last thing I thought of when I was sure I was dying. As I looked at the barrel of the gun, all I could think of was everything we weren’t going to have. I wanted it so much, you know? The wife, the babies, and the dog. I wanted it for us—with you and with her. I thought it was gone, and I just…” I guess I gave up. How could I say those words out loud? I fought for every good thing in my life and gave up right when I needed to hang on the most. Shame filled me.
Ethan sat back down in his chair, grabbed my hand, threading our fingers together, and brought them to his forehead. He breathed hard before taking in a big inhale, but before he could speak, the sweetest voice I’d ever heard came quietly from the doorway.
“I want that, too.”
We both looked over to see Casey looking pale, dressed in a hospital gown, and sitting in a wheelchair with a fluffy pink blanket tucked in around her legs and hips. She had one arm in a sling and the other clutching the blanket. There was a woman with the same hair and eyes as our girl, with one hand resting on the handle of the chair and the other pressed to her chest. A man stood next to the women, a hand on the shoulder of his wife. His eyes took in Ethan and me. I tensed, waiting for the judgment, the condemnation for being gay. The disapproval for his daughter.
The man stepped around his wife and daughter and strode to the side of the bed, where Ethan continued to hold my hand as he stared at Casey with a soft look on his face.
I stared up at her dad, meeting his eyes with all the bravery I could muster. I’d stared into the eyes of killers, rapists, and pedophiles, but this was the first time I felt my nerves jump and my heart race. I cleared my throat and got ready to start begging.
“Sir, I—”
He dropped to his knees at the side of my bed and put one hand on Ethan’s shoulder and the other on my forearm. His sobs filled the room, echoed by delicate sniffles from Casey’s mother. “Thank you.”
I lay there, stunned, unable to open my mouth. I glanced over to Casey as she sat in her wheelchair, holding her mother’s hand over her good shoulder. She gave me a small, reassuring smile. The doctor was standing in the doorway behind them but took a step back and rested against the wall in the hallway. I looked back down as the man’s shoulders shook.
Thirty-Six
CASEY
I had never seenmy dad as upset as I had when I’d opened my eyes a few days ago in the hospital bed. He’d raised his voice, paced, turned red, and then collapsed in the chair next to the bed and listened while holding Mom’s hand. I told them everything from the time I’d climbed onto the first bus while keeping the story PG-rated, of course.
By the time I was done, my mom was crying almost inconsolably, and my dad had stalked from the room, not returning for over two hours. I didn’t know where he went, but I had an idea it included a long walk and a tall coffee. He’d never been that great with showing emotions beyond the usual fatherly displays of happiness, pride, love, and anger. He never raged. He never cried. Though we knew he loved us deeply, his outward display rarely went beyond a pat on the head for me and a peck on the lips for my mom.
Ethan had been sitting by Brent’s bedside once he got back from the hospital cafeteria. They both looked up when my dad strode back inside the room. He’d glanced from my position in my hospital bed and over to Ethan as he sat by Brent. Ethan was holding Brent’s hand, much the same way my mom was holding mine. Ethan stood slowly from his chair and held out his hand. Dad had knocked his hand away, making me gasp in shock before I started immediately coughing, of course. A collapsed lung wasn’t fun.
As soon as dad had knocked Ethan’s hand away, he had embraced him in a huge hug as mom and I looked on with tears in our eyes. I couldn’t remember my dad ever looking so grateful as he had pulled back and looked into Ethan’s eyes. They’d had a long, quiet talk sitting next to Brent’s bedside. For the last five days, both Mom and Dad had taken turns sitting with Brent as Ethan shared his time between the two of us.
Now that Brent was awake, my dad was apparently done with holding back. His control over his emotions had come undone, and though Brent looked shocked, there was also a massive amount of relief there, too.
Unfortunately, the doctor had to come in at that exact moment. He allowed them several minutes, letting my dad calm himself, before clearing his throat and knocking on the door as if he hadn’t witnessed the show of emotions.
My parents went down to the cafeteria, and Ethan sat with me on my side of the curtained room during my thorough check-up. Now we had to break the news to Brent that I was being released for home—doctor’s orders. I didn’t want to tell him which home that was going to be, but I couldn’t continue to be a coward.
Once my bag was packed with the few items I had with me, my mom kissed the top of my head and squeezed my hand. Dad gave me a nod. They had already told the guys goodbye, but I don’t think either one of them had caught on that it wasn’t the same as it had been the last few days. I finally looked up at Ethan and immediately noticed that his jaw was clenched tight. Maybe he had.
“You’re coming back,” it wasn’t Ethan’s voice. I turned to see Brent with his eyes narrowed and looking like he was ready to rip off all the wires and tubes and jump out of the bed. “Say it, dollface. Say it.” His voice cracked on the last word, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I carefully pushed myself up with my good arm, ignoring Ethan’s protests.
“I have to go back to California.”
I watched as he closed his eyes and turned his head. The expression that came over his face was enough to shatter my heart.
“But…” I waited several long beats before he finally opened his eyes again, all of his anguish pouring out as he looked at me. I reached out and cupped his face, blindly reaching behind me until I could grasp Ethan’s hand in mine. “Iwillbe back. It’s only for a short time. I swear it. There are things I need to settle there.“ I looked down at the bed. It hurt me to leave them, too, and I felt like the worst asshole for leaving like I was, with him in the hospital. My parents had to get back, though. They needed to work for a living and wouldn’t be able to pay their mortgage if they didn’t get back to work soon. They promised me it would be a quick trip and that they would help me get my stuff sorted so I could get back as quickly as possible.
It was my turn to look up at him when he gently placed a finger under my chin and lifted my gaze back to his. “We will wait for you, dollface. Forever. We’ll wait for you forever.”
A tear slid down my cheek and onto his finger, but neither of us broke eye contact.
“I love you.”
“And we love you.” Their words were said together, one from the dark in front of me and one from the light behind me.
***
The flight back to California was excruciating. I couldn’t get into a comfortable position where neither the gunshot wound nor the stab wound wasn’t throbbing. The pills I had taken before the flight barely put a dent in the pain. But what hurt the most was my heart. I hadn’t wanted to leave, but I let my parents convince me to go back with them to California to get my life wrapped up there before I moved to Texas permanently.
With every mile that passed, my regret grew. I felt like a monster for abandoning the guys. Especially Brent, who was still in a hospital bed because of me. I felt my mom squeeze my hand.
