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My parents meant well. They didn’t know why Zak and I had broken up, and they didn’t need to. The sad thing was, my parents both liked him. After my dad had gotten over his threatening phase, he and Zak actually bonded over stuff. Grilling and cars, mainly.
I was slow to get up. “I’ll talk to him. Can you and Dad not eavesdrop please?” I wore sweatpants, something baggy, along with a hoodie. I looked like a bum. My hair was greasy, and my skin was oily. I hadn’t showered in three days. My parents thought it was because of the breakup, but…
Well, there was a different reason for the lack of showering and the sweatpants.
“I’ll grab your father and bring him upstairs,” my mom spoke, leaving to do just that.
I walked slower than her, so by the time I reached the front door, her and my dad were already upstairs, hiding in their bedroom, probably praying that Zak and I would work out whatever our issue was and get back together.
Zak had been my first. My only. I think that’s what made this so damned hard.
Breathing in an uneven breath, I opened the front door and stepped outside to see Zak pacing the area before the front porch. The moment I walked out, he stopped, turned and stared at me, those pretty hazel eyes of his pleading. “Charlie,” he breathed out my name like he always did, like it was special to him—but it wasn’t.
It was a lie. It was all a lie.
I let the front door close behind me, slow to move toward the edge of the porch, though I didn’t take any steps down. I had my arms folded over my chest, and I leaned on the railing, staring at him. “Why are you here, Zak?”
He didn’t move from where he stood. For once, with me on the porch, I stood taller than him. “I had to see you. You won’t answer my texts and my calls. You ignore me on everything. I just had to see you.” His voice sounded exasperated and desperate. It wasn’t a good look on him.
“Well, you’ve seen me, so maybe you should go,” I told him.
“Charlie,” he said my name again, placing a single foot on the bottom step, as if he wanted to come up to me, but my hard glare stopped him. “You have to let me explain—”
I cut in, “I don’t have to let you do anything. You made it very clear that I was never important to you, so why don’t you just go?” How badly I wanted to rewind time, to unsee things, but time marched forward, and it waited for no one.
“How can you say that? You mean everything to me.”
“Maybe before, but not now. There’s no way I can mean anything to you now, Zak.” Holding his stare was too much, so I turned my face away, staring at my bare feet on the wooden porch. “Please go. Please. Just… go.” My voice broke at the final word, and I hated sounding so weak in front of him.
Zak had always made me feel strong. He made me feel alive. Our relationship had helped me these past few years, so when it had ended, it felt like I’d lost everything, like I regressed into that small, helpless little girl who never told the truth to anyone.
“I love you, Charlie,” Zak whispered.
That made me bring my gaze back to his. He had no right to say that to me, not after what happened. “I don’t. I hate you, so get in your car and leave before I call the cops and have you arrested for trespassing.” At least I didn’t waver when I threatened him that time.
Zak took a step back, as if my words had physically hurt him, arrows shot right into his chest. The look he gave me told me he didn’t want to believe this was the end, but it was. Or, rather, our end had come before, and he’d refused to see it until now.
“I’ll never stop loving you,” he promised me.
I said nothing, because there was nothing else to say. I’d told him I didn’t love him, but that was a lie. Of course I still did. My heart was broken, my sense of self shattered, but I still loved him. How could I not? He’d been everything to me, the very air I breathed, and now that we weren’t together, I had no idea how I’d function.
But I’d figure it out. I had to. It was that or die, and I had evidence that I wasn’t quite ready to take the plunge yet.
I guess it was true, what they said.
All good things must come to an end, relationships included.
Maybe it was because I was thinking about him, maybe it was due to the fact that he’d said almost the exact same thing Zak had said in the past, but I found myself asking hesitantly, “Zak, is that you?”
Brett had mentioned it might be my ex, but I didn’t think… I really didn’t think it would be. It’d been over a year since we’d talked, since we’d last seen each other. The day when he came to my house to try to talk to me had been the last time.
I heard him exhale a loud breath, and then he hung up, leaving me to wonder if Brett had been right all along or if I’d pissed him off by asking if he was Zak.
It couldn’t be Zak. It couldn’t be.
My mind spun, and I was out of it as I wandered to the student parking lot and got in my car. I started her up and was on the road in the next minute. It was like I was a zombie driving, my body knowing how to do it without my mind being present.
Honestly, I didn’t know what to make of that call or how it ended. I’d have to tell Brett when I got home.
