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It was Sunday afternoon, and I was sitting in my bedroom, trying to get a grip, when someone gently knocked on my door. “Come in,” I said, slow to turn away from my desk, where I sat, trying to work on a paper for school but failing because I couldn’t focus.
To my surprise, it wasn’t my mom who walked in, nor was it my dad. It was my sister.
Claire looked a lot like me, but she had a few more inches than me, along with more curves on her body. She got her brown hair layered and highlighted, and she always wore some makeup. Only five years older than me, she’d graduated and gotten the job she’d always wanted: a nurse, just like our mom. She lived in an apartment with her boyfriend of four years, and she generally had her life together.
Everyone loved Claire. Not so much me. She was the firstborn, the one my parents put all of their energy into. I, on the other hand, was an afterthought. In the beginning, they’d tried to hold me to the same standards they’d held the constantly overachieving Claire, but they soon gave that up.
And don’t even get me started on how often our parents mixed up our names, especially when she still lived here. You’d think my name was Claire-Charlie and her name was Charlie-Claire with how often they said it.
Really, it was their fault for giving us both names that started with a C.
As Claire walked into my room and shut the door behind her, I asked, “What are you doing here?” She wasn’t wearing her scrubs, so she wasn’t working. She never visited out of the blue; only when she wanted something.
And when she’d gotten me those pills for Brett.
“Mom’s grabbing me some pictures from downstairs. I want to show Tyler some stuff.” Tyler was her boyfriend she’d met in college. They’d instantly hit it off, and the rest, as they said, was history. Didn’t know why she’d want to show him any old photographs though; seemed silly.
Claire wandered to my desk and bent over near me, giving me her left hand. She just set it between me and my old laptop, not saying another word, like I was magically supposed to know what she was trying to show me.
“Uh” was all that came from me as I studied her hand.
After a while, Claire groaned. “God, you’re just as oblivious as Mom and Dad.” She used her other hand to point to the shiny new ring on her ring finger. A silver ring with a decent-sized diamond, one I’d definitely never seen before.
Let’s just say it was a good thing I was sitting, otherwise I might’ve gotten knocked off my feet when I realized what that ring meant.
“Tylerproposed?” I asked, the shock blatant.
“He did, yesterday. I just told Mom and Dad. They want to have a cookout with all of us next weekend, so be prepared.” She took her hand off my desk and straightened out, flipping her brown hair over her shoulder.
“That’s so amazing, Claire. Congratulations.” I gave her a smile, even though it was fake. My sister had never struggled to find happiness in this world. She wasn’t like me at all. But, even so, I was happy for her. If only one of us could be happy, it should be her.
“Thanks.” She turned around and leaned her backside against my desk. “I still can’t believe it. Tyler proposed. It’s one thing to talk about it, but when it actually happens… man, I thought my heart was going to pop out of my chest and run away.”
“Haven’t you wanted him to propose for two years now?”
She chuckled. “Yeah, but he was right. Wait till I’m out of school and land a nursing position—so at least one of us has a steady job.” Last I heard, Tyler worked as one of those nerd guys at Best Buy, and I assumed with her comment, that hadn’t changed.
“So, when’s the wedding?”
“Oh, jeez. Not for a long time. We haven’t talked about any of that yet. One thing at a time.” Claire lowered her voice, asking, “How’s your friend doing? The one I got the pills for? Did they ever go to a hospital and get checked out?”
The only reason I was comfortable enough having this conversation was the fact that my bedroom door was closed. “No, he didn’t. But he’s getting better. Thank you again for helping.”
“All I can say is, you’re lucky I got friends in other departments who can cover me without asking questions. Or, I guess, your friend is lucky.” Claire was going to say more, but our mom started to call for her downstairs. “Guess I should go. I’ll see you next weekend.”
“Bye.” I watched her go for the door, still wearing that stupid fake smile on my face. I only let it fade once she was gone and I was alone.
Well, if there was anything that could get my mind off Brett and even my stalker, it was my sister getting engaged.
I was happy for her. Of course I was. So happy for her that she’d found someone to spend the rest of her life with, and she’d managed to find him in college, too.
Me? I’d lost the guy I thought I’d spend my life with. Lost him, gained a stalker who might actually be him, and confusing feelings for a serial killer who had agreed to help me take out said stalker.
Was I jealous? Duh. I wanted to be happy again, but with every day that passed, it just felt impossible. More and more out of reach.
The sad thing was, I didn’t think I’d live long enough to get married, anyway. If I ended it all, if someone else took me out of the picture, or if I died of a freak accident that people would talk about for weeks after… either way, marriage was not in the cards for me.
My stalker didn’t contact me again. Coming into my room that night, when all this shit with Brett had started, must’ve been a fluke or something. I shouldn’t complain, but it was hard when he was always in the back of my head, a constant nagging thought.
