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Max and I get back to the car before I speak again. “Tank’s always been like an emotional brick wall, but this...” I trail off, slam my hand down on the wheel. “Fuck.” Max’s face is impassive, but I think I see something in his eyes, and it unnerves me. “Surely you don’t think it’s Tank? He’s so mad about Giddy, I…”
And then it finally occurs to me that his anger might well be down to guilt.
“I didn’t hear much except deflection,” Max says. “But I’m too old and you’re too tired for us to go jumping so hard to conclusions.”
“You’re not old,” I say awkwardly. Max gives me this cute half-smile and I have to force my mind back to the job. “So where do we go from here?” I start the engine. “Who’s next?”
Max doesn’t answer right away, staring out the window thoughtfully as he considers our next move. Maybe it should be on me to suggest it, but I’m still dazed by the encounter with Tank—and Max always has good ideas.
“You already know who’s next,” Max says finally, when we’re back on the road. “It’s Van. And then Pony, and then Jazz, and hell, even Nico, if it comes to that. We keep digging, Bricker. Digging until we find the truth.”
“The truth,” I echo.
I swear to God, I willnotlet this darkness consume my brothers and sisters.
But as I drive down the wet streets, I wonder if it’s already too late.
* * *
Later that night, sitting at a small table in my bedroom with a rapidly depleting pile of paper, I crumple another draft of my eulogy and toss it over my shoulder with the rest of them lying scattered on the floor. What am I supposed to say about Rook? That he was a good kid, and I got him killed?
And I keep thinking about my father, too, wondering if—when the time comes—I’ll have to do this for him, too. Write a eulogy. Stand up and speak in his memory. What the hell could I even say, when I haven’t seen him for so long? I saw Rook every day, loved him like a brother, and I can barely find words to put on the page for him.
I failed Rook at the bank, and I’ll fail him again tomorrow at the funeral with a shitty, stilted eulogy. I’ll fail my father when the time comes, too.
A small sound makes me turn around to see Max leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed. “You want some help with that?”
I’ve been working on it since we got home from the hospital, Tank’s accusations playing over and over in my head.
“Tank was right,” I say. “I’m not cut out for any of this.”
“Bullshit. You’re a natural.”
I rake my hands through my hair. “I got Rookkilled. My own man.”
“PacSyn killed that poor kid. And you think Tank hasn’t made his share of mistakes?” Max steps forward and puts a hand on my shoulder as he leans over to see the next draft. I got as far asEulogyat the top of the page.
And his touch seems to burn through my shirt.
“What makes a good leader isn’t never screwing up,” he tells me. “It’s learning from your mistakes and doing better next time.”
His faith in me makes my chest ache. I cover his hand with mine, holding on like he’s the only thing keeping me from drowning. “I don’t know if I can do this tomorrow.”
“You won’t be alone. I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”
I know exactly what I need. I need toforget, if only for a little while. I grab Max’s wrist as I stand, turn, and crush my mouth against his.
He stiffens for a moment, then groans, fisting my shirt to yank me closer. The kiss is hungry, sharp, made up of teeth and tongues. When we break apart, panting, Max searches my face. His eyes are hooded, pupils blown wide. “Bricker, are you sure—”
“Please.” I’m already fumbling at his belt, craving the oblivion of having his cock down my throat, having justone thingin the whole fucking universe to concentrate on. “I’m sure.Please, Max.”
A smile tugs at the corner of Max’s mouth as he helps me get his jeans open. “Since you asked so nicely.”
I drop to my knees as Max’s dick springs free, thick and heavy. My mouth waters. I grab the base and guide it between my lips without messing around, humming at the taste of salt and musk already there.
“God, you’re perfect.” Max’s voice is a rough purr as his fingers slide into my hair.
His words light me up, melting away thoughts of everything but the cock filling up my mouth.Hiscock. I take him deeper, craving the ache in my jaw, chasing the helpless noises I know I can drag from his throat.
