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I pull him close, wrapping my arms around him protectively. The weight of his body against mine feels like an anchor, tethering me to this moment, to this man who has burrowed so deep under my skin I don’t think there’s any hope of extracting him.
And I don’t want to. It happened fast, but I’m in deep. That’s the truth of the matter, and I know it’ll cause problems down the line, but…
I can’t bring myself to care. Not when I’m holding this man in my arms.
As Bricker drifts off to sleep, I stare into the darkness, thoughts tangled up with my emotions.
It doesn’t have to mean anything.
That’s what he told me. And no matter how I might feel, there’s still a big black untold truth lurking between us that—when it comes out, because I know it has to—will change anything.
He sleeps like a child, deeply and completely, and I lie there for a while watching him, the old worries seeping back in. And Rook’s funeral is tomorrow. It’ll be tough on Bricker. But it’s also an opportunity to talk to Van Delligatti, prod a little into that open wound of his that he seems determined to think I gave him.
Bricker won’t like it.
But it has to be done.
CHAPTER34
BRICKER
It’sa long time since I’ve been to church. The sky above is a brooding gray, thick with the ongoing threat of rain. Fitting for a funeral. The viewing is held at the church rather than the funeral home, in accordance with the family’s preference, and I guess on Anna-Vittoria’s insistence. She made sure Rook’s Nonna has had every request fulfilled for this funeral, and all covered by Anna-Vittoria herself.
A lot of Espositos will be here today, as is our custom. We honor every fallen member, no matter how low down the chain they were. But I hesitate at the heavy wooden doors, the knot in my stomach tighter than the one in my tie.
Coming up the steps behind me, Max places a hand between my shoulder blades. His eyes are somber but understanding. “Whenever you’re ready.”
He woke me up early this morning and helped me write out a respectful eulogy for Rook, so I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. I clear my throat and pull open the door.
It’s hushed inside, though the church is filled with mourners, many of them recognizable to me. The air is sick with the scent of flowers and incense. I spot several members of my crew sitting near the front in the pews: Honeybee, Van, Pony, Tank. Jazz must be in another pew, but I can’t see her. The Shadow, the Baron, Martino Gargiulo, and all the other higher-ups sit right at the front, places of honor.
And the veiled silhouette of Anna-Vittoria is right there next to the casket, with a comforting arm around Rook’s grandmother.
I join the line waiting to pay their respects to Rook. Honeybee turns in her seat as I get closer, giving me a watery smile. Van turns too, raising a low hand in greeting before nudging Pony to do the same. Tank glances over his shoulder at me, turns back, and folds his arms.
Where’s Jazz, I wonder?
Max is behind me in the line of mourners, and that thought is all that really keeps me on my feet as we shuffle onward. Before I really want it to be time, I’m next. I steel myself when the person at the casket crosses themselves, moves on.
But I’m stuck there, feet refusing to move.
I feel Max’s hand on my lower back, a steady pressure that grounds me, helps me take those last few steps. Together, we stop in front of the coffin to view the body. My heart clenches as I look at Rook’s peaceful face, free from all the pain and fear of his final moments.
“Rook, I…” I whisper, the words catching in my throat. Max remains quiet, but I can feel his understanding radiate from him. He knows the weight of my guilt, the burden of responsibility I carry.
I’m so glad he’s with me.
I grip the side of the coffin, fingertips brushing against the cool satin of the interior. Max’s presence beside me keeps me anchored, and I’m grateful to him.
My mind floods with memories of Rook, of the brotherhood we shared, the bond that was severed far too soon. The laughter, the shit we gave each other, the way he looked up to me like an older brother…
He looks almost comfortable, like he’s just sleeping. But he’ll never wake up.
That goofy grin is gone forever.
I swallow hard and close my eyes as if to pray, unable to bear seeing him like that.
I’ll get them, I promise him silently.I will find that motherfucker and I will make them pay.
