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Irritation burned through me. I bet my brothers had given it to him at some point so that he could keep a protective watch over me. Except that had never been Silas’s role in my life.
Angry, I stood up and got ready for work. There was no escape except the one I always found when I was buried in work.
No one would show up to the office on a Sunday, so I’d have the place to myself. No one would pressure me to go home. I didn’t even have to go to family dinner because no one expected me.
I tried after I first opened the business, but my father wanted me to give up on it and work for him. He didn’t understand that there wasn’t anything for me at the restaurant. He already had my three brothers working there. I wanted something that was my own creation, and we didn’t agree on anything.
If I wanted to keep my business, I needed to figure out a way to keep mine profitable.
At work, I got lost in paperwork and spreadsheets, brainstorming possible marketing ideas to bring in more high-dollar clients. What did I have that Silas’s resort didn’t?
It was late before I finally locked up and headed home.
Now that I wasn’t focused on work, that message from Silas taunted me. Was I running?
I was ashamed to admit that he was right. I usually met things or people head-on, but Silas had this way of convincing me to do things I wouldn’t normally do. If I’d stayed, we would have had sex again. And I wouldn’t survive another round with him. How many more rules would I break with him?
Silas Sharpe was dangerous to my equilibrium. I needed to avoid him. I needed to go back to how things were before he went down on me in that closet.
But I couldn’t ignore his message.
At home, I drew a bath and contemplated my options. The obvious choice was to tell him we couldn’t do it again. But my fingers hovered over the keys in indecision.
Why was I hesitant to tell Silas nothing could happen? It felt like a lie. Last night felt too real. As if it was the start of something huge, but there was this wall there, a barrier because nothing could happen between us.
We’d always be competitors. He’d always be my brothers’ best friend. He came to family events and holidays.
We needed to pretend it didn’t happen.
I want to forget it ever happened.
Then I deleted it. It was too honest. Finally, I settled on:
We both know it can’t happen again. It was a one-night thing that my brothers can never find out about.
Then I turned my phone over so I couldn’t see the screen, and I tried to distract myself with the bath. But it was no use. I turned it back over to see if a message had come through.
Whatever you have to tell yourself.
I felt the loss of what might have happened if Silas wasn’t my competitor and a friend of my brothers. But I wasn’t open to relationships with anyone. It wasn’t just him. I liked my life. I loved my business. I didn’t need someone trying to steer my life like my father had.
This isn’t over.
I had to resist immediately typingoh yes it is, like a child because that’s the person that Silas brought out in me. I was bratty and out of control, but that stopped now. I would be cool when it came to Silas. Nothing he did or said would affect me.
Then I remembered how it felt to be completely at his mercy. Bent over with my hands on the railing while he fucked me. It was raw and real and the craziest thing I’d ever done. On some level, I must have trusted him to let go like that. But I pushed that idea away too.
Silas wasn’t a nice guy. He didn’t want me. I was someone he could manipulate to get what he wanted. I had to remember that. Any thoughts of tenderness were a lie.
But that didn’t sit right with me either. I was a mess, and it was all Silas Sharpe’s fault. Everything came down to him, and I was tired of it.
I vowed to put him and his text messages aside. I started by deleting his words and not saving his number as a contact. I didn’t need him or his number. I was a strong, independent woman.
I never got caught up in having amazing sex with a hot guy. But if I was honest with myself, I’d neverhadamazing sex with a hot guy. Everything was different with Silas. It was as if he could see me,allof me, and it was addicting. It was like he knew who I was and what I needed on a visceral level. I needed control, but I needed to let go too.
Silas’s words thatit wasn’t overrang through my consciousness the rest of the night. A small part of me wanted him to come to me, to pursue me. But the rational part of me knew he wasn’t good for me.
He was a onetime indulgence. It would be gluttonous to go back for more.
