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I laughed, shaking my head, dipping into a shallow nod. “Fair enough.”
“When was the last time you got laid?” Zid lifted a dark brow. “Getting a bit tense there, Captain?”
My attention flittered to my cabin door like a magnet. Quickly I snapped my attention back, my mind recalling the last time I let off some steam.
Fuck…when was that? Not remembering the last time I got laid wasn’t a good sign. Not like me. My memory was a steel trap. Helped me in many situations, and the women always figured the small details I recalled were because I was really listening to them. I cared. And I did, but not the way they wanted.
The only thing I wanted to do right now was sleep and let myself heal a bit. But at the thought of Kat in my room, my dick hardened.
Tightness strangled my chest, a force drawing me to my room and urging me to run from it at the same time. I still couldn’t believe the sensual, clever creature being held captive in my cabin was Rotty’s daughter. The tiny pipsqueak, whose eyes flared with fire and were set with determination, battled those twice her age and size. Challenging the world, she let nothing stop her, and I had no doubt she could do it. She was fierce, strong, and wild.
A thud of realization hit me, and I stepped back with sharp understanding.
Lexie.
Katrina.
The same qualities I had seen inKatzewere in Lexie at the same age. Was that why I was so protective of my little card shark? The fact I saw Kat in her? Not sexually, of course. Even the thought made me sick. That was the last thing on my mind. She and Annabeth were barely teenagers when I first met them, and that was all I saw. But Lexie had that extra spunk. Confined to a wheelchair most of her life, she learned to fight with words, with her mind. It wasn’t until much later, when Lexie had grown up, that a slight shift happened. And honestly, I don’t think I really grasped what I felt until I watched her die in front of me.
Had I been in love with her? For a moment I thought I could be, but now I wasn’t sure. It never had a chance to get there before being taken away. I loved her, though; it was impossible not to. Far older than her years, Lexie was a diamond that sparkled through the rough.
I mourned the loss of a friend. Of what could have been. Of a spark that was stolen from the stars.
A part of my family was now missing, and I felt it was my fault. I told her I’d protect her. I’d keep her safe, no matter what. I failed. And she was killed.
I knew deep down that was partly the reason I stayed away from Zoey and Ryker’s home. The look on Annabeth’s face and the devastation on Zoey’s after losing their sister… because I didn’t protect her.
The grip on my lungs squeezed tighter, my gaze going back to my door. I had thrown Kat off my ship, her only home, sending her off to boarding school. I had to; it was the right thing to do at the time. But not helping her understand why was cold and cruel.
I hadn’t protected her either. I ignored what I had done, the pain I caused both her and Fredrich. The irreversible damage I would later cause them both.
When Lexie came along, was I trying to make up for Kat through her?
“Vane and I will head out now.” Zid stepped around me.
“No.” I turned with him, my head wagging. I needed to get off this ship and as far away from Kat as possible. “I will go.”
Zid’s forehead pinched. “Really? You sure?”
“Yes,” I stated. “People need to know I am back, and we are not to be fucked with.” I squinted up at my flag.The Silver Devilwas printed on the banner flapping from the mast. “I miss the days people feared this flag.” It had been a long time sinceThe Devilor the pirate who captained it had made his position known. My name was of legends and stories, but they needed to be reminded I was real and there were reasons I was once feared.
Maybe I am too old for this shit.I thought coming back to the pirate life would fill the part of me I lost in the battle with Stavros and the Stone of Fal, when Zeke put a spear through Lexie. With all the deaths from the war, and then the battle to keep our country from the Stone taking Lars and Zoey or Stavros’s dictatorship, something died in me.
I thought I would find it on the ocean. This was where I belonged. Some days when I sailed, the wind against my face, the sun setting, glowing the sky with warmth, my soul felt replenished. Then other days were like this. What the fuck was I doing all this for?
I ached to see my family, to hear their voices, Wyatt babbling in the background. Even that talking rat with fur. I snorted. The memory of Sprig riding the back of Matty, Zoey and Ryker’s border collie, through the house like a cowboy always cracked my shit up.
That monkey-sprite was fucking annoying,but… I rubbed at my chest, at an emotion I wanted to shove far back because there was no way I missed the little fucker.
None.
I instructed my crew to watch over Kat, making sure Vane was on the opposite end of the ship. Scot and I turned, making our way off the dock, heading for the only place you’d find the type of help we were looking for.
A seedy, criminal-infested tavern.
Chapter 10
Croygen
