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Trust.
Breathe.
"My favorite is the four cheese tortellini with white truffles," Brandt said as he placed his hand over mine.
I locked eyes with him, holding back the tears that were threatening to consume me. The determination with which his eyes reciprocated balanced me. Why someone like him would give so much to someone he just met was beyond me. I had torn paper wings, and he was slowly taping them back together. I wondered if I could do the same for him and Grady.
"Tortellini sounds good," I whispered through a fractured smile as I collected myself.
He took the back of his hand and softly brushed my cheek, instantly heating it and stirring my body alive again.
"I'll be right back," Grady said as he stood up and left us alone.
Nothing was breaking the hold Brandt had on me. He placed his hand under my chin and moved in slowly to my lips. "Is this okay?" he asked softly. I couldn't speak. My chest was aching from the anticipation. It was all I could do to just nod. "Good, because I don't think I could take no for an answer."
He brushed his lips lightly over mine, sending a blazing fire through my veins. I released a quiet breath, taking in the warmth generating in the space between us. He gently pressed his lips on mine and then released. Then kissed me again with the same careful touch, as if he applied any pressure I would shatter in his arms. He repeated this several times, accelerating the desire in me. I could barely breathe through the intensity. Hours could have passed, and I wouldn't have cared. I just wanted to be here in this moment for a lifetime.
His hand slid behind my neck, and he grabbed a lock of my hair in his fist as his breath became as uneven as mine. He gripped hard like that was the only leverage he had from losing control. He stopped his rhythmic kissing and rested his forehead on mine.
"I need you," he whispered painfully.
This was more than desire. This was deeper than a first kiss. This was something else. Something I wanted, but something I knew I couldn't have. Not now. Not yet. As hard as it was for me to pull away from him, I forced myself to. "I can't," was all I could manage to say.
He dropped his hand from my neck supportively. "Then we won't," he said evenly as he brushed his thumb across my cheek.
Grady returned. "I gave Nichole our order."
"Thanks," I said as I took my first sip of wine. I liked it. Brandt was watching me and smiled with recognition as he took a sip of his—the only sip he took the entire night while Grady happily helped me polish off the bottle. It was nice hearing them talk about their business. I liked being here without being the focus. It was comfortable, especially after denying Brandt, but I couldn't shake what I saw when Brandt kissed me. It kept flashing through my head, and I had been trying to push it aside since so I could just enjoy the evening, but the memory was getting more intense and I needed to get away to catch my breath. "I'll be right back."
Brandt got out of the booth, letting me slip by, and I rushed in the direction of the bar where I saw the restroom sign on our way in. I was feeling a little tipsy from the wine already, and the panic setting in wasn't helping matters. I had to grab onto the end of the bar to get my balance.
"Are you okay?"
I looked up at Nichole, our server. Without another word, she put her arm in mine and led me to the bathroom that you would see in a five-star hotel lobby. She escorted me over to a red ottoman and I bent over my knees and tried to breathe through the attack. She still hadn't said anything. Instead, she locked the door and wet a paper towel and placed it onto the back of my neck as I leaned over, hiding my face between my legs. She remained quiet as I replayed the image of a man kissing me passionately, a face I couldn't see, and someone only my memories recognized.
"Thank you," I managed to mutter.
"I have a little sister who gets panic attacks. I recognized the look on your face."
Her voice was less than motherly, but her actions were, and I was glad she was here, even though I didn't know her. But then again, I didn't know anyone.
"I gotta get back. Are you good?" she asked.
"Yeah, thanks."
I locked the door after her to give myself another moment to recuperate. I dried the back of my neck and raked my fingers through my hair. The flash gave me hope that there was someone out there looking for me, but it also made me apprehensive of pursuing anything further with Brandt. I was confused and more than tipsy. Everything was happening too fast. My attraction to Brandt. My fondness for Grady. I needed things to slow down, including the spinning in my head.
I miraculously made it back to the table, and after we ate and Grady and I shared another bottle of wine, Brandt helped me out of the restaurant.
"I guess it's been a while." I giggled. Grady grabbed my other arm as I tipped away from Brandt’s hold. "And I guess not for you," I said to Grady as I tapped his nose playfully. Brandt gave Grady a disapproving glare.
“Drinking again?” Brandt pressed Grady accusingly.
“Lay off,” Grady growled.
"Oops," I said. "Shhh, I guess that's a secret." I was giggling uncontrollably now.
"Are you okay to drive?" Brandt addressed Grady.
